Filling Everyone In

So many things have been happening these last couple of weeks that I've been a bit overwhelmed.  There has genuinely been no time to sit down and write here or anywhere else.  So, please forgive a very long rambling post, but the time has come to put everything down and get my "publicly available online journal" current.  I can't quite say "Up To Date" because I'm sure I'm leaving many important things out, but at least I don't have to worry about telling back stories and can start fresh.

You see, starting fresh is something I always try to do on October 11.  As it's my birthday, it gives me that new outlook.  This year, my goal is to do a better job organizing my many obligations -- to myself, my family, the organizations that I work with, to my writing(s)....everything.  There is no reason why there isn't time to get the things I desire to get done taken care of.  The problem is a lack of organization.  So, that's what I'm trying to do right now.

But I know you aren't here to read about me rambling on about how I need to get organized.  You want to read about my kids and how they are doing.

I'll start with Simon.  He has started the same Special Needs Dance Class that I had previously enrolled Rachel in.  I'm not allowed to see what happens during the class.  I can hear some things through the walls as I wait, I can see some things through a window, but in general I'm in the dark.  So, after class, I always try to ask the teacher questions about his performance.  And he seems to be enjoying it and doing quite well.   But he never wants to do anything with the group.  He has a tendency to hide behind a small barrier that is typically where the children place their shoes (they come in wearing ballet shoes and change to tap shoes about halfway through).  At his last lesson this past weekend, the teacher told me that Simon is doing everything and demonstrating the skills but he will only do it when he's behind that barrier so he believes that no one is watching.

Simon has also had a few other activities happen these last few weeks.  First was a doctor's appointment to Children's Hospital for his regular follow-up.  Normally, when we go, I bring the leash (cute animal harness) so he can stay within an arms reach of me when we are walking through any form of parking lot.  I do this because he is TERRIFIED of the elevator and any building which contains an elevator.  He allowed me to put the harness on and we walked into the building holding hands.  He immediately and gently walked to the stairs and into the waiting room.  And, at the end of the appointment, he behaved well leaving the building and heading back to the car.  I didn't park in the parking garage but on the street so we didn't have a second elevator to avoid, but the improvement since our last visit there 6 months ago is HUGE!!!!!  Even the doctor commented on this.  When she came into the exam room, we were already there.  Simon was reading a book aloud to me about a bus making it's many stops.  Every time the bus stopped, someone would get on and / or off.  And then, at the end of the page, the book would ask him to find something on that page (sometimes related to the bus story, sometimes not).  And every time, he would read this and search for the item on the page.  This is the first time that I ever saw him exhibiting reading comprehension in any way other than describing the "Beginning, Middle and End" of a story.  And the doctor, who was witnessing this, said she was "tickled pink" to see the progress he is currently making.  It was probably Simon's best visit there to date.

Also, Simon had an IEP meeting this week.  He is 1 of 3 first graders in his classroom right now along with 5 kindergarteners.  The teacher chose to keep these three students because it was believed they would do better with a second year with the structure she provides that is lessened as time goes on.  Also, the familiarity would help them and they can be examples to the kids coming into the school.  His teacher started the meeting by saying how happy she was that he did stay with her.  That because of his familiarity with the classroom (even though there were many changes since last year) and the staff, it made it much easier for him to find his place at the start of the year.  Additionally, the staff knew him quite well so that they were able to address issues before they were allowed to become issues.  Overall, he is growing in so many ways.  They described several social activities that he joins in with, including ones that he enters of his own volition.  This is one of my biggest concerns as Simon really does prefer to be isolated from others and really does his best to avoid human contact with almost everyone.  His list of people who he likes is VERY small and it's very difficult for him to interact with someone who isn't on his preferred list.  But he's been doing much better with this during this school year.  He is still having trouble putting concepts together as he is very much a rote learner as well as a splintered learner.  But he has demonstrated his deviousness at every opportunity and is happy to go to school.  I know he's not there to have fun, but at 6 years old, if going is such a chore, he will never be successful.  He genuinely LIKES school (although not as much as his sister) and is finally demonstrating an ability to try new activities (in his own way) under the supervision of his teachers.

Now, onto Rachel.  She is also having a great start to the school year.  She immediately acclimated to returning to school which was not something I was expecting given past experiences.  She has two friends from last year who have joined her in the classroom this year as well as a fellow Daisy from her Girl Scout Troop.  She is willing to do all of her work, the aide working with her is able to step back regularly and has reduced the amount of "Good Job"s that she receives.  She has demonstrated that she CAN do the work independently and now they are starting to expect this from her.  It's not always easy and they have to watch for her becoming overwhelmed when things get to be too much, but that has only happened a handful of times.  She is very happy to keep trying her best and is very pleased with the assignments she is bringing home.  I am hoping to begin volunteering in the classroom at the start of the second marking period (beginning of next month).  Her teacher really wants to make sure that she recognizes that he is the authority figure in the classroom before I make an appearance.  As I have been able to come in for observation visits before, I suspect that this will go well once we have one or two visits.  But I am working with her teacher so we see the best possible results.

She also had a visit to Children's Hospital for a regular follow-up.  She saw the same doctor as Simon and also demonstrated how much she is growing in her development.  I read a report that her teacher had emailed to me to the physician so she could hear how she is doing in school (in addition to bringing a copy of her interim school report).  Unlike Simon, she was VERY impulsive during this visit, but she was still patient (relatively) and cooperative.  She was willing to do whatever the doctor asked of her and demonstrated a HUGE improvement in comprehensive skills testing at least on grade level in all areas (this is a FIRST for either of the twins)!  We did discuss some social concerns I have for her.  She is complaining often that people are "laughing at me".  I've seen her say this at home with regards to her brothers (when they are doing no such thing -- they're not even laughing) so I'm not certain this is the truth.  The doctor gave me questions to ask her when she starts saying this of the kids at school, trying to ascertain if this is actually going on so I can determine the best course of action.  But I have noticed that she is becoming more socially aware and is really trying to make friends and to be a friend to others.  She is also beginning to initiate imaginative play with her dolls and her stuffed animals.  I want to encourage these positives, so I have to be careful not to thwart the positives while trying to understand what she is telling me.

So, there is a VERY long "summary" of our lives these last couple of months.  Sorry to drop it all in one post, but if I don't you know (as well as I do) that these stories will never be told.

What a Difference A Year Makes

On Monday and Tuesday, I attended Back To School Night for all 3 kids (well, for Rachel and Big Brother.....Simon's I kinda talked to the first grade SPED teacher to see how he's doing to get another perspective).  Big Brother's, for me, was really more about the information and getting to know the teacher.  He always acclimates pretty well to a new school year and he's happy to have several friends in his 3rd grade class.

Rachel, however, had such a miserable transition into kindergarten, I spent so much time worrying about how to make the start of first grade smoother.  We talked about how she would be in the new classroom.  We talked about how the lunch time was different.  We shared with her all of the information that was available to us.  But we had done this last year as well and still had trouble.  So, when I brought her in on the first day of school, I wasn't surprised to see the looks of apprehension on her face as we approached the building or the All Purpose Room, where the students were gathering for the day.  I wasn't surprised to see her sliding back to ensure that she would be the last person in line (a technique she used to cope with the All Purpose room early last year).  But her paraeducator, who worked with her so well all year last year, went to her and reminded her that she was supposed to find her place in line and remain there until it was time to go to class.  And she complied.

Since school started on August 26, I have been in touch with her teacher on numerous occasions, getting updates to how she is doing.  And I talked with him more during Back To School Night.  And he describes his experience teaching Rachel to be VERY different than what he was told to be prepared for.  She has only had 2 meltdowns since school began, and one of them he figured out what caused it (just a little too late) so he was able to intervene the next time a similar situation arose.  The second, he really didn't seem sure what had set her off.  She likes to work with her classmates and is demonstrating early signs of making friends.  She is fortunate that a former classmate (well, two of them) sits near her and they work together in a small group.  Additionally, a friend from girl scouts is also in her class and they have bonded during these first few weeks of school.

I have been avoiding talking to the school principal about her.  He told me last year during her IEP Meeting, when we were trying to figure out how to help her transition back to school that many students don't experience the same regressions that we've historically seen as they grow older.  They don't go away, but they aren't as severe.  And he suspected this would be true for Rachel.  I kept insisting that I didn't believe him.....we had several transitions into school (including the transition from Early Intervention to Preschool) and none have been smooth.  I couldn't see the start of this year being any different.  But, I have to admit (even on paper) that he was correct.  I hate that!  ;)

It's been a great start to the year!

Finally......a post!

I know it's been AGES since I've written anything.  It's not that things have been quiet.....in fact they've been insanely busy.  But once I take a little time off from writing, I've been finding it VERY difficult to get back into it.  It's kind of been that way all year.

But I do have to share an AMAZING thing that happened this week.  It's about Ballerina.

For those of you who read my posts regularly, you KNOW how worried I was about her entering a general education kindergarten classroom.  And you know that my worries were not unfounded.  You know how many problems she was having at the start of the year to the point where the school was seriously considering changing her placement to be with Music Man.  Then things started to turn around in mid-October or so.

Well, the school year is about to end.  The last day of school is on June 14.  Big Brother was in the 2nd Grade play, "Going Buggy".  There were 3 performances of the play on Wednesday.....two during the school day for their fellow students and one in the evening for the parents who couldn't attend the daytime performances.  I saw the two during the day and watched both Ballerina and Music Man behave well as audience members.  I was very proud.

Dad was planning on taking Big Brother to the evening performance.  To both of our surprise, Ballerina asked to go too.  We saw no reason that she SHOULDN'T go, so Dad took her when the time came.  When she arrived, Dad started sending me texts and pictures.  She immediately found her classmates with older siblings in the show.  She ran over to them and gave them a GREAT BIG hug!!!!  And they played together until the performance started.  They were running up on stage (before the show) and just having a BLAST!!!!!

And when the performance started, she sat down with Dad to watch.  She stayed there quietly for a while, but then decided to sit on the floor in front.....with her FRIENDS!!!!!!  Her behavior was near perfect.  She just decided she would rather experience this moment with her friends rather than her Dad.

This year has been AMAZING for her.  Not only has she done well academically (her report cards are more than acceptable) but she has really started to understand the mechanics of social interaction.  She WANTS to be with her peers rather than her family.  She WANTS to play games (Red Light Green Light being her current favorite).  She loves to "hang out with the girls".  All of these things that I really never thought I would see with her.  I still see no signs of it in Music Man, nor do I ever really expect to.  But with her, it's so nice to see her looking like EVERYBODY else!

I know that people say that you shouldn't work on blending in when you were born to stand out.  And that's all well and good.  But it also puts you at risk for other problems down the road, such as bullying behaviors.  Sometimes, it's good to be part of the crowd.  I still want to see her be her own person.....don't misunderstand me.  But I don't want her to feel alone.  I want to see her fit in with those around her.  And I want to see her achieve success with everything she does.  And it really looks to me that she is on that path right now!

School is "Normal"

Our family's life is NOT "normal".  It's eccentric.  It's planned.  It's busy.  And it's all about "routine".

On August 27, our new routine began.  School started.  And "school" now means something different than it has for the last 2.5 years.  It means going down the street to our neighborhood school.  It means that all 3 siblings are in the same building.  It means that we are just like everyone else.

But are we?

In the 3.5 weeks of school, Big Brother has been caught lying and punished appropriately (which is still ongoing).  Ballerina left the sheltered world of special education and is expected to comply in a classroom with 16 other students while Music Man is next door to her in the special education classroom with a slide and a swing clearly visible in the room, something that she doesn't get.  Music Man has those comforts available to him, but he has a teacher literally in his face from the beginning of the day until the end until he shows himself capable of independent work.

All three of my children are being more challenged in school then they have ever been.

For Big Brother, the challenges are more academic.  He's very bright and has very high expectations of himself.  But he does have his academic shortcomings which are truly coming to light as they are being addressed.  I think he's finding this very frustrating because he doesn't like it when something just doesn't come naturally to him.  But as he learns these new materials, his confidence will blossom.

Music Man has also seen less of a change.  He is used to being in a classroom setting.  He's used to learning much during circle time and transitioning to a group table to do assignments, as that's what he's been doing since he turned 3.  And from what I can see, he is handling the transition to the new school year the best of my 3 kids.

Ballerina has the hardest change of all.  She started kindergarten -- a huge milestone for all kids.  And she left the protection of special education (even though she still has the support of an IEP) and she now has to meet the expectations of her teacher.  And her teacher will not back down (for which we are VERY grateful).  But she has had a great deal of difficulty adjusting to her new school.  She is regularly placed in Time Out (currently averaging 2-3 times per day).  She wants to do things her way and she really doesn't understand why she can't do things the way she wants.

Today though, was her best day.  She only had one problem.  She didn't want to come in from recess and she, once again, found herself in Time Out when she arrived back in the classroom.  But, unlike most days, when the Time Out was over, she did what was asked of her and really didn't require any additional disciplining the rest of the day.

We will be evaluating Ballerina's transition in a review meeting next month.  At that time, hopefully she will have finally found her comfort zone and will be more compliant with her teacher allowing her to be more comfortable with her peers.  I'm really not pushing her academically right now......she is ahead of many of her peers in reading and the math will come quickly once she understands what her teacher is asking of her.  Right now, her behavior is my biggest concern.

So, about 1 month into the school year I can say that things are going about as well as planned.  Dad seems to feel that things are going better than expected, but I'm not sure I agree.  In some respects, he's right.  But I wish we were further along than we are.

First Day Of School

It's August 27.  And, if you've been reading my posts lately, you know what that means.....it's the start of another school year.  And it's the start of a BIG year.....Big Brother is now in 2nd Grade and Ballerina and Music Man are now in KINDERGARTEN!!!!!  Music Man has the shelter of a special education classroom and Ballerina has been thrown to the wolves, starting her career as a student in a general education classroom.

I've been both excited and terrified (this is beyond nervous) about what's coming.  Ballerina has not been excited about starting school this weekend, but showing signs of nervousness.  I'm not certain if that's me projecting my own fears onto her or if she really wasn't happy about Mrs. R winning the battle of wills this past Friday during the Open House.  And everyone has been making such a big deal about kindergarten, I can understand her feeling apprehensive.  To make matters more complicated, I took her to school this morning rather than her arriving by bus.  And it's not the same school she's been attending the last 2.5 years.  She is now attending the same school as Music Man, for the first time.  Yet they're separated by the wall between the two classrooms.  And Big Brother is all the way down the hall, as far away as he could possibly be.

But, when they woke up this morning, we just jumped right in.  We had a normal breakfast.  Ballerina had her morning pudding (Focalin XR) and actually finished her cereal (slightly unusual).  Then she played on her phone and in front of the mirror.  She enjoyed looking at the princess in the mirror.  Music Man too was having a normal morning.  But I could feel the tension the closer we came to walking out the door.

For Music Man, it came out when I started putting on the socks and shoes.  He didn't want to wear sneakers or socks.  He knew that this meant it was time to go to school.  And the crying started.  He was all right once we got outside and into the car, but when we pulled into the school parking lot, things went from bad to worse.  He really didn't want to be THERE.  School was one thing, but Big Brother's school was another.  But as we were walking to the door, he saw the paraeducator for the kindergarten class, and he immediately started to feel more comfortable.  I could feel him stop pulling me away from the school and considering going with the para.  And, a minute or two later, she held out her hand, and he took it and went happily to his new experience.

For Ballerina, things didn't go so smoothly.  She became upset when Music Man got upset (not much of a surprise).  That was when she realized something BIG was happening.  We walked into the kindergarten playground where the other kindergarteners were waiting and she began to cling.  She kept insisting, "I CAN'T!" and was just VERY upset about everything.  After a couple of moments, Mrs. R came over to Ballerina and me.  She said that I could stay for a few minutes, or I could leave.  But if I was to leave, I had to go and not look back.  I thought about it for a moment, and realized that I needed to do JUST that.  So, I got Ballerina back on her feet, gave her a hug, and told her to have a good day.  I gave her a hug and a kiss, and then left the playground to check on Big Brother, listening to her crying and screaming the whole time.  I just hope she didn't see that I was crying too.

Later, I asked some of the parents who were dropping off their kindergarteners to check up on her, and they informed me that she was no longer upset and that the teachers had her under control.

It is now 2:45 and I am getting ready to pick them up from their first day of school.  I only hope that they ALL had a good day!!!!!


 
Big Brother preparing to leave for school.


     
Getting ready to get in the car to head to school for the first day.


   
Getting ready to enter the classrooms and begin a new year of learning.

A Test

The last two days have been a bit of a test.....Back To School Night last evening and Open House today.  This was my chance to see who these teachers are and what they will be able to do to help Ballerina and Music Man.

First of all, let me say that I got my wish in Ballerina's teacher.  It was the specific person I was hoping for.....while being kind, she is extremely strict and the children in her class learn very quickly that this is NOT a woman to cross.  This is EXACTLY what Ballerina needs.....she needs to understand that lines in the sand have been drawn and she needs to behave in an acceptable manner.  I think this teacher will give her that structure.

Overall, I spent most of the night in Music Man's classroom listening to his teacher.  I am familiar with the kindergarten curriculum (which is relatively new) as Big Brother also experienced this same curriculum (he was the first class, so his teachers have been learning along with him).  Even though the Learning Center follows the same curriculum, things are presented in a slightly different fashion, so that was the presentation I attended.  I really do like much of what this teacher does.....she too is kind but firm and her reputation is untouchable.  I know of several children who have been through her class since we began learning about educating Autistic children and, as a parent, you couldn't wish for better.  The only surprise was that there would be 3 first graders in the class as well (how this would be handled was explained to me [and the other parents]) and I know we are not alone in this.....the other program we considered had combined classes throughout elementary school.

Then, after the Learning Center teacher was done, I went to talk to Ballerina's teacher.  She had finished talking to the parents, but we talked briefly about my concerns and fears and made my recommendations about how to handle certain potential situations.  I had written a letter to her, but chose to not bring it in (it really just didn't feel right to do that when the time came) and when I left, I felt much better about the situation.  I knew her slightly from personal experience, but mostly by reputation.  This conversation proved to me that her reputation is well-earned and, like Music Man's teacher, she is quite firm with these children while still providing a fun and loving atmosphere.

For the Open House, Big Brother was in his element.....he went in, met his teacher, bragged about his trip to Grandma and Grandpa's house (how he went to a planetarium and the Intrepid, attended a carnival, swam in a lake, etc).  He spent much of the time with Ballerina and I, giving her a tour of the school.  She learned where not only her classroom was, but where the cafeteria, art room, gym, music room, library, and computer lab were located.

But she did start testing her teacher.  She didn't WANT to look at Mrs. R.  She didn't WANT to do the "assignment" (scavenger hunt around the classroom and school).  She didn't WANT to put the stickers for success on the paper, but put them on her fingertips.  But Mrs. R insisted.  And Ballerina complied....not exactly willingly, but by the end, quite enthusiastically.

Overall, it was a good couple of days.  My anxiety level has dropped slightly and hopefully things will feel even better once I drop them off at school on Monday.  In the meantime, it's time to enjoy the weekend!

6 Days....

.....Yup.....in 6 days school will begin again.

This isn't the countdown of a Mom who can't wait....well, it's not EXACTLY that.....it's partially that......but it's the countdown of a Mom who is terrified about what's coming.

Yes, I know that it's difficult for any parent to send their children off for the first day of kindergarten.  But with Big Brother, it really wasn't difficult at all.  It was, in fact, easy.  He was ready for it and so was I.  And I knew it (on both counts).  But this time, I don't know if it's because of their Autism diagnosis or if it's because they are my "babies", but I'm NOT ready for them to go off to kindergarten...exactly.....

We are in that home stretch right now.  We are finishing up the homework assignments and I'm getting ready to attend Back to School Night on Thursday evening to familiarize myself with what's coming.  And I'm going to bring them to school on Friday afternoon so they can all meet their teachers and really get a feel for the classrooms and the school as a whole.  I am working with teaching Ballerina what will be expected for her, and we are working on a specific issue that she has picked up (she's decided that tackling is fun) so that she won't demonstrate this new game to her classmates.

And we are doing something else today......Music Man has a play-date with a future classmate (who we know from Ballerina's preschool experiences).  This other child's mother and I are both hoping that, if they have a familiar face in the classroom, it will help make the transition just a bit easier.

We are doing everything we can to be sure they're ready for what's coming.  I have fewer concerns about Music Man as he will be in a more protected environment which makes me feel more comfortable.  But this is shaping up to be a VERY interesting week!

A Realization Has Occurred

Yesterday, I discovered something......since the start of the summer, I have found some independence from my children.  Yes, I am the one who has become more independent.  They were already there.

A friend of mine runs a blog called the Oxygen Mask Project.  She recently wrote a post about coming home from some time away and, upon returning home, realizing how she had totally given herself to her children.  She talked about how she had the time to do the things she WANTED while she was away rather than the things she needed to do for her children, and all of the sacrifices that entails.  She willingly makes those sacrifices, as do all parents, because we love our children more than anything.  But she described quite a wakeup call when she returned home.  After reading it, I walked away thinking about how I always do the same thing.

Then, yesterday morning, I realized something else (and immediately sat down to write a post for Oxygen Mask Project myself).  No, I don't.  I DID!  That is until this summer.  This summer, I am taking that time to do what I need to do.  I am taking that time in the mornings.  After these kids are up, fed, and breakfasted, THEY go downstairs to play.  I stay in the kitchen / family room.  I make my own breakfast and sit to eat it.  I use my Keurig and make whatever coffee I feel like for that morning, and drink it while it's still hot.  I take a few minutes and go online.  I listen for my children and make sure that there are no problems and I can easily get to them should the need arise, but the time is MINE.

Maybe that's why, sitting here with school starting in 10 days, that I can claim I'm just as sane as I was the day school let out (all right, you can question how sane I was then, but at least it hasn't gotten any worse).  And it's made me a happier person at this point of the summer than I have been for a long time!