As the school year starts....

.....I'm noticing a SERIOUS change in Simon.  A huge growth that we haven't seen YET in that boy.  And others are noticing it too!

It started with the first few days of school.  We were worried that, because he's been with the same teacher for 2 years that he would have trouble with another teacher in a different classroom.  There is very little he shares with his former classroom now.  One student moved with him.  They are in a different hallway, with a different paraeducator (as well as teacher), even a different Occupational Therapist (when he goes to OT).  He's even arriving at school differently, taking the bus.

Every day, he comes home with his daily contract.  It gives a very general description of his day.....what types of activities he did (including specials) and whether he performed well at each station of the day.  The form is the same every day with the special written in, so it really doesn't give me much information at all other than "He had a good day" or a "....mediocre day" or a "....bad day".  There are 3 icons for each line item.....a smiley face; a neutral face; and a sad face (I don't think I need to describe those in any further detail).  The entire first week, he had ALL smiley faces.

The second week started the same way!  I had gone into school for something with the PTA and ran into the paraeducator in the office.  I asked her, casually, if they were "grading" the kids more leniently as the school year had just begun.  She explained that he had taken to the routine like he had been doing it for a year.  He was participating in class.  He was walking nicely in the hallway from place to place.  He was behaving during lunch.  He was really doing everything exactly the way you would expect any child to do things.  (for the record, he has since come home with a couple of neutral faces, but they've been scattered -- he has enough smiles to have earned a star every day)

But it's not just at school that people are noticing this change.  He went to his first dance class on Saturday.  Historically, he would do everything that his classmates would do, but behind a wall so that (he believed) no one would be watching him.  But on Saturday, I insisted he come out and watch in the mirror.  He fought me at first, but he begrudgingly came out and stayed out throughout the whole lesson.  He did everything that was asked of him, including tap dancing (not his favorite thing).  I'm hoping that this is a sign that this class will also be going better for him this year.

And it continues!  He and Rachel started Sunday School this year.  The first session was yesterday.  I had few worries about Rachel but many misgivings about Simon because they really didn't have the accommodations that the public school offered him.  But the Rabbi and I sat down with his IEP and came up with a few things.  And he arrived yesterday.  When I picked him up (2.5 hours later), I learned that he had stayed with the class and interacted appropriately with them all.  He wasn't able to sit as long as his fellow classmates, but he did stay within the boundaries that were set for him.  He went to "computer lab" and worked on the assignments with his classmates.

Just 2 weeks into the school year and look at the changes we're seeing!!!!  I can't wait to see what happens as the year progresses!  And I hope this isn't just the "honeymoon period" and that we have finally "turned the corner" with him and that he's ready for the next big leap, just like Rachel was a year or so ago!

Filling Everyone In

So many things have been happening these last couple of weeks that I've been a bit overwhelmed.  There has genuinely been no time to sit down and write here or anywhere else.  So, please forgive a very long rambling post, but the time has come to put everything down and get my "publicly available online journal" current.  I can't quite say "Up To Date" because I'm sure I'm leaving many important things out, but at least I don't have to worry about telling back stories and can start fresh.

You see, starting fresh is something I always try to do on October 11.  As it's my birthday, it gives me that new outlook.  This year, my goal is to do a better job organizing my many obligations -- to myself, my family, the organizations that I work with, to my writing(s)....everything.  There is no reason why there isn't time to get the things I desire to get done taken care of.  The problem is a lack of organization.  So, that's what I'm trying to do right now.

But I know you aren't here to read about me rambling on about how I need to get organized.  You want to read about my kids and how they are doing.

I'll start with Simon.  He has started the same Special Needs Dance Class that I had previously enrolled Rachel in.  I'm not allowed to see what happens during the class.  I can hear some things through the walls as I wait, I can see some things through a window, but in general I'm in the dark.  So, after class, I always try to ask the teacher questions about his performance.  And he seems to be enjoying it and doing quite well.   But he never wants to do anything with the group.  He has a tendency to hide behind a small barrier that is typically where the children place their shoes (they come in wearing ballet shoes and change to tap shoes about halfway through).  At his last lesson this past weekend, the teacher told me that Simon is doing everything and demonstrating the skills but he will only do it when he's behind that barrier so he believes that no one is watching.

Simon has also had a few other activities happen these last few weeks.  First was a doctor's appointment to Children's Hospital for his regular follow-up.  Normally, when we go, I bring the leash (cute animal harness) so he can stay within an arms reach of me when we are walking through any form of parking lot.  I do this because he is TERRIFIED of the elevator and any building which contains an elevator.  He allowed me to put the harness on and we walked into the building holding hands.  He immediately and gently walked to the stairs and into the waiting room.  And, at the end of the appointment, he behaved well leaving the building and heading back to the car.  I didn't park in the parking garage but on the street so we didn't have a second elevator to avoid, but the improvement since our last visit there 6 months ago is HUGE!!!!!  Even the doctor commented on this.  When she came into the exam room, we were already there.  Simon was reading a book aloud to me about a bus making it's many stops.  Every time the bus stopped, someone would get on and / or off.  And then, at the end of the page, the book would ask him to find something on that page (sometimes related to the bus story, sometimes not).  And every time, he would read this and search for the item on the page.  This is the first time that I ever saw him exhibiting reading comprehension in any way other than describing the "Beginning, Middle and End" of a story.  And the doctor, who was witnessing this, said she was "tickled pink" to see the progress he is currently making.  It was probably Simon's best visit there to date.

Also, Simon had an IEP meeting this week.  He is 1 of 3 first graders in his classroom right now along with 5 kindergarteners.  The teacher chose to keep these three students because it was believed they would do better with a second year with the structure she provides that is lessened as time goes on.  Also, the familiarity would help them and they can be examples to the kids coming into the school.  His teacher started the meeting by saying how happy she was that he did stay with her.  That because of his familiarity with the classroom (even though there were many changes since last year) and the staff, it made it much easier for him to find his place at the start of the year.  Additionally, the staff knew him quite well so that they were able to address issues before they were allowed to become issues.  Overall, he is growing in so many ways.  They described several social activities that he joins in with, including ones that he enters of his own volition.  This is one of my biggest concerns as Simon really does prefer to be isolated from others and really does his best to avoid human contact with almost everyone.  His list of people who he likes is VERY small and it's very difficult for him to interact with someone who isn't on his preferred list.  But he's been doing much better with this during this school year.  He is still having trouble putting concepts together as he is very much a rote learner as well as a splintered learner.  But he has demonstrated his deviousness at every opportunity and is happy to go to school.  I know he's not there to have fun, but at 6 years old, if going is such a chore, he will never be successful.  He genuinely LIKES school (although not as much as his sister) and is finally demonstrating an ability to try new activities (in his own way) under the supervision of his teachers.

Now, onto Rachel.  She is also having a great start to the school year.  She immediately acclimated to returning to school which was not something I was expecting given past experiences.  She has two friends from last year who have joined her in the classroom this year as well as a fellow Daisy from her Girl Scout Troop.  She is willing to do all of her work, the aide working with her is able to step back regularly and has reduced the amount of "Good Job"s that she receives.  She has demonstrated that she CAN do the work independently and now they are starting to expect this from her.  It's not always easy and they have to watch for her becoming overwhelmed when things get to be too much, but that has only happened a handful of times.  She is very happy to keep trying her best and is very pleased with the assignments she is bringing home.  I am hoping to begin volunteering in the classroom at the start of the second marking period (beginning of next month).  Her teacher really wants to make sure that she recognizes that he is the authority figure in the classroom before I make an appearance.  As I have been able to come in for observation visits before, I suspect that this will go well once we have one or two visits.  But I am working with her teacher so we see the best possible results.

She also had a visit to Children's Hospital for a regular follow-up.  She saw the same doctor as Simon and also demonstrated how much she is growing in her development.  I read a report that her teacher had emailed to me to the physician so she could hear how she is doing in school (in addition to bringing a copy of her interim school report).  Unlike Simon, she was VERY impulsive during this visit, but she was still patient (relatively) and cooperative.  She was willing to do whatever the doctor asked of her and demonstrated a HUGE improvement in comprehensive skills testing at least on grade level in all areas (this is a FIRST for either of the twins)!  We did discuss some social concerns I have for her.  She is complaining often that people are "laughing at me".  I've seen her say this at home with regards to her brothers (when they are doing no such thing -- they're not even laughing) so I'm not certain this is the truth.  The doctor gave me questions to ask her when she starts saying this of the kids at school, trying to ascertain if this is actually going on so I can determine the best course of action.  But I have noticed that she is becoming more socially aware and is really trying to make friends and to be a friend to others.  She is also beginning to initiate imaginative play with her dolls and her stuffed animals.  I want to encourage these positives, so I have to be careful not to thwart the positives while trying to understand what she is telling me.

So, there is a VERY long "summary" of our lives these last couple of months.  Sorry to drop it all in one post, but if I don't you know (as well as I do) that these stories will never be told.

What Can Change in 2 Months?

Ballerina has a follow-up IEP Meeting coming up next week.  This is a pre-determined meeting to discuss the progress she is making following the changes that we made in October's Review Meeting.  We increased her hours of support, we instituted a behavior modification plan and we worked to ensure consistency across all staff members working with her.  And, outside of the meeting, a new behavior reward system was created for her which has been generally very positive.

First, let me describe this new reward system.  It's a laminated card, with a velcro strip on the bottom of both the front and the back of the card.  On the front are 6 choices of rewards (which I'm sure can be changed if needed), including a hug, read a book, take a walk, drink of water, some kind of game, and do a puzzle.  Ballerina chooses which reward she would like to work towards and then they begin.  On the back of the card are the expectations, including Quiet Mouth, Quiet Hands and Great Working.  There are 5 squares, each containing the picture of a heart. along the velcro strip on the front.  For every 10 minutes Ballerina successfully achieves those objectives, a heart is moved from the front to the back.  After all 5 hearts have been moved from the front to the back, she gets her requested reward.

The introduction of this reward chart is the best move that the school could have EVER made!!!!!!  Because of her ABA success, we know she responds well to periodic rewards.  But they can't be abstract.  They have to be something she can see and something she will receive immediately.  With this system, she is rewarded every 10 minutes with something small (the moving of the hearts which she witnesses [and even contributes to by confirming she's doing the 3 required things]) and then she gets her big reward when the hearts have all been moved.  She's been choosing a hug since they initiated this system, but she has the freedom to choose something different every time she starts again.

 
(pictures taken and emailed to me by Mrs. R [Ballerina's classroom teacher])

I spent just over an hour observing her in her classroom on Tuesday.  I was there from the time she returned from specials (Physical Education, in this case) until she left for lunch.  I watched her have a snack (and go over to get a drink from the water fountain), sit with her class on the carpet, answer some questions, return to her desk to complete a worksheet, and then go on to her independent learning center.  She had a paraeducator with her the whole time (they no longer have her do the independent learning center without one as she is unable to complete anything with success without the support).  She listened to the story (If You Give A Moose A Muffin by Laura Numeroff).  She answered the teacher's questions about the story.  And she walked back to her table to do the assignment.

During the time on the carpet, I watched the paraeducator move 2 of the hearts from one side of the card to the other, indicating that she was earning her rewards.  And I watched her complete the assignment.  There were several parts.....she had to write her name (using a "magic C"), color in the pictures, cut the pieces out, and paste them back onto the worksheet in the same order that these items appeared in the story.  It involved using her memory and her comprehension skills, as well as following multi-step instructions.  And she did it ALL!!!!!  Following the sequence of instructions was not a problem.  Determining the correct order for the pieces to be pasted back onto the page was a bit more challenging for her, but she had the book with her (and the para) and they were able to put it together correctly with the book to ensure that things were correct.  And then she was able to go to her center where, once again, she was asked to cut and paste and put together complete and correct sentences.

And through it all, every 10 minutes (or so) they would move another heart.  In the 75 minutes I was there, she received a hug and was about 60% to getting another (which I'm sure happened not long after recess).

The entire time I was there, there were no outbursts.  There were no tantrums.  There was no threat of being sent to Time Out (for her -- others were threatened to move their behavior cards).  She did all of her work, and did it correctly.  She worked well with her para and apologized for accidentally colliding with a classmate after being reminded to do so by the teacher.

She looked just like everyone else.....just a little different because of the support she was getting.

What a moment for this Autism Mom!!!!!!

Remembering How Hard It Can Be

There is a post today on SPD Blogger Network written by a South African Mom talking about her concerns about needing to raise her twin boys differently because of the issues that they face (one has SPD [and a few other issues] where the other does not).

As I read this post, I was transported in time.  I was remembering visiting preschool programs for Ballerina and Music Man.  I was remembering driving around in the car because as I visited these programs, I knew they would be placed in different places because I knew that no one school would best suit their individual needs.  But, in my heart, that wasn't what I wanted for them.  I wanted them to be together.  In my heart, I knew that they needed to be together even though my brain was telling me that I needed to consider their individual needs first.  I remember crying every time I thought if it, how I was going to have to face the fact that one would be going to Program A and the other to Program B.

And I remember those meetings.  I remember at the end of Ballerina's meeting making the decision to send her to the program called CAPP, which was definitely the best placement for her.  But instead of thinking that, it was that final nail in the coffin -- they weren't going to be together because CAPP was a BAD choice for Music Man.  I remember taking a 10-15 break between the two meetings and going over to an observation area and watching them both in their classroom, trying to pull it all together.  And I remember starting Music Man's meeting when they were enumerating all of the reasons why we needed an IEP (I realize this is a part of the process, especially in an initial IEP meeting, and they weren't pulling out things that we didn't already know), and I remember them asking me at the end of this if I needed a moment.  They thought I was upset about all the reasons for Music Man's IEP.  But that wasn't the case.  It was the reality of Ballerina's placement and the consequence of separating these two that was making me struggle to hold it together.  And I remember not being able to fully pay attention throughout his meeting because I just couldn't deal with it.

I cried about it that day and night.  By the morning I thought I was all right.  We had made the best decision for each of them.  They were going into programs that would address their weaknesses in ways that played to their strengths.  And for Ballerina and Music Man, they were different areas and different strategies.  And I remember talking to the other parents about the whole IEP experience (since their initial meetings were upcoming).  And I was doing a good job holding it together.  It wasn't much of a struggle.  And I'm giving myself a mental pat on the back......I'm getting over my emotional hang-up and am ready to do what I know is the right thing.  But then, when I put Ballerina and Music Man into the car, it all came flooding out.  It was like I was back at the beginning.  Separating them was WRONG!

I also remember calling our case worker that afternoon while the twins were napping and Big Brother was having his "Quiet Time" (for he no longer napped).  I remember asking her when (and if) this would ever get easier.  And she pointed out to me that I knew what the right answer was, I just wasn't ready for it.  Eventually, the two would come together.  She couldn't tell me when, but I knew she was right.  And, I also knew that if things weren't working out, we could look into making a change.

I'm not sure when it happened.....when it became all right that they were in different schools and different programs.  But eventually, it was all right.  That didn't change the fact that I was grateful that they are now in the same school, and I'm sure that the togetherness is part of what I was trying to achieve.  But I stopped looking at them as a unit together when it came to their IEPs and allowed myself to separate them into the two unique individuals that they are.

Don't get me wrong.....losing that dream of them being together for so long hurt, and it still does from time to time.  But I see their individual growth, and I know that this was one of the times where my heart was wrong and my head was right.  My dreams for them are my own.  I need to give them a chance to realize their own dreams and those may be with our without the other.

My babies aren't babies anymore.  They are growing up.  And they are becoming amazing people.

So Much Progress, So Far To Go

Today was our first review meeting for Ballerina.  She has been in a general education classroom for 7-8 weeks and we needed to sit down as a group and figure out what's working and what's not.  We had agreed to do this during her placement meeting / annual review at the end of last year.

Yesterday, I went to visit her in her classroom.  I wanted to see what her teacher sees so I could understand the things that she was bringing up in the supporting paperwork.  And, we all know that many children display something different while they are at school as compared to when they are at home.  And her teacher told me that in so many ways she has made some great improvements, especially in these last couple of weeks.  Her outbursts are less frequent and less intense, she has become much more compliant (especially for her classroom teacher) and they are discovering some of her passions.  However, her focus is a real issue.  She has a very difficult time following anything greater than 2-step instructions and she needs someone constantly prodding her to get her tasks completed.

But I watched her complete tasks.  I watched her complete worksheets that involved multiple tasks (coloring, cutting and pasting) along with working on an academic concept (rhyming).  But every minute or so, the para who was working with her had to prod her to get her focus back.

But the meeting started this morning and it began with the principal explaining that at the start of the school year that many on her team were concerned about her placement in general.  General education classroom is extremely demanding and it was thought that perhaps it was beyond what she was ready to handle.  However, these changes in these last couple of weeks showed them all that yes, a general education classroom is the right placement for her.  We just have to make a couple adjustments to her plan to allow her to be successful.  Knowing that we weren't going to make such a change (even though I strongly suspected this would be the case), it definitely helped to put me more at ease.

And transitions are still a problem (although they are greatly improved).  She is no longer considered a menace to herself or her classmates with her constant body dropping behaviors as she was when the school year began.

It was great to listen to her entire team talk about all of the improvements she has made thus far this year.  We did increase the number of hours of support because, honestly, she needs it.  She was originally assigned 15 hours/week, but in practice she needs (and receives) 25 hours/week.  By putting this into her official plan, it helps the school find the needed staffing and makes it more likely that she will get a dedicated staff member which will give her the consistency that she needs.  The intent is still to try and reduce it over time, but for now, she really needs the help.  Without it, she is not able to stay on task.  One of the things I did observe is the 30 minutes or so in the morning where she is working independently.  She was unable to complete any tasks.  And when I asked if this was true regardless of the "center", her teacher informed me that it is.

Her classroom teacher is going to attempt a few simple tricks to see if they can improve her focus, including introducing some background classical music for quiet work times.  Since she seems to enjoy music so much, perhaps it will help keep her calm and allow her to focus more on the tasks at hand.  In addition, we are initiating a Formal Behavior Plan to ensure consistency across various staff members.  Hopefully, these will all contribute to her success.  We also agreed to meet again in December to discuss whether these efforts are successful and to, if necessary, make further modifications to her plan.

Now it's time to turn my attention to Music Man's meeting, which is scheduled for next week.  His meeting will be a full annual review which will likely be a bit more intense.

I need to learn to control myself in approaching these meetings.  They always cause so much anxiety.  You would think I would be used to them by now.  Perhaps this next one will be the one that makes me realize that this process is in place to help my children and I shouldn't get so worked up about these every single time.

Our Next Step

It's been a few days since I sat down here to write a post. I think I just needed the time to think things through on my own and digest everything that happened to my family in the last 10 days or so. And many of these things are WONDERFUL!!!! Potty Training success (Music Man is even starting to stay dry during the night [although we have no expectation of that happening right now]). And the recommendation for Ballerina's placement -- it truly is a dream come true. I just needed to take a few days and get my head wrapped around it all. And I needed to do that before our meeting on Wednesday.

It's funny that I took time OFF from blogging when I was trying to get myself organized -- usually, this is where I do my thinking. But I think this one was a bit more internal. I love sharing our stories, but I needed to think this through on my own and then come back when I understood where we are headed. And now I believe that to be the case.

I'm speaking, of course, about Ballerina's kindergarten placement. Getting the recommendation of having her enter a typical classroom in kindergarten -- that really goes beyond our wildest dreams. This is what I want for her -- for both of them. It has been my goal from the moment we began our journey in the Autism World. But I have to take a step back. That may be my dream, but is it a wise decision for HER? SHE is the one who has to go to school every day and cope with her classroom, teacher, and classmates. Is this too much for her right now?

We think it is. Her current school environment is 1-on-1. In a typical classroom, there will be 1 teacher for upwards of 18 students. There will be no supports for her. And we are seeing an increase in behaviors over the last few months as well. So, we have a proposal for the team.

We don't believe she is CURRENTLY ready for a typical mainstream classroom. And based on the reports we received during her re-evaluation, we really don't think her teachers believe she is ready for that either. But that doesn't mean that she isn't ready to be introduced to a typical classroom setting. We can continue working with her during this school year to maximize her independence in school. We can fade the supports that she receives so that she has to do more and more things on her own.

But for next year, we are going to request that she enter the Early Learning Center. The nature of the program allows her mainstreaming opportunities for gym, art, music, lunch and recess. But she may be ready for more then that. After she establishes herself in her new school setting, we can begin bringing her into a typical classroom independently. We can start with short bursts and increase the time she spends in a typical classroom as she demonstrates she can handle the experience. Then, by the end of the year, she will be ready for a typical classroom setting and in first grade, we can introduce that new environment for her.

I believe this recommendation was made blindly. I don't believe the cluster representative had access to her records and history. She came and watched her for 20-30 minutes and the teachers tried their best to be sure she was as cooperative as possible. This is a good thing. I wouldn't want the cluster representative to be biased given what was written in those reports when she arrives to observe. But she doesn't know Ballerina. I do. Her teachers do. And I feel that she is overestimating what Ballerina can do right now.

I'm comfortable with this decision. I really do believe it's best for her and will allow her to adjust at her speed. And we are only talking about postponing mainstreaming for approximately one year. She may "survive" mainstreaming right now, but I really don't think she'll be able to thrive. I need her to THRIVE. Not just get by. If one more year will make that difference, it's definitely worth that postponement.

I'm not exactly sure what I will be walking into on Wednesday. Given the reports from her re-evaluation, the team should agree with me that mainstreaming to start her kindergarten year is not the wisest placement option for her. But I know they tend to be a bit aggressive. I am going in there prepared to argue for what I know to be the best for my daughter and hopefully that preparation will not be necessary. But I'll be prepared.

It's Been a Very Long Week!

This week has been a week of anguish and frustration as well as elation and celebration. In the last 7 days, we daytime urine potty trained Music Man (and if you aren't familiar with nearly every detail of that process, you obviously have NOT been reading my posts lately), took Ballerina to the developmental pediatrician for a scheduled review, received and read the updated reports about her current status and situation, and sat around listening to the results of her being observed by our cluster representative to determine kindergarten placement (already completed for Music Man). Yes, it's been a busy week.

You see, Ballerina's placement meeting is on Wednesday (February 29) and we will be making a decision at that time and we need to consider what the experts have to say as well as think about where we know her to be. We have been addressing her ADHD issues for a while now with mixed success. She has been having some difficulties in school lately as well. And the only thing I've been able to think of is, "NOT NOW!!!!" You see, my husband and I both made up our minds which program we wanted to see her attend next year, and if these behaviors continue, I can see her not receiving the recommendation which means we need to work harder in the meeting to convince the team that she belongs there. And I also received these reports that pointed out the many issues we are familiar with. Once again, I was getting the feeling that she wasn't going to receive the recommendation.

Well, today was the day. The cluster rep was coming to observe her and tell the team what she believed is the best program option for our Ballerina. Earlier this afternoon, I received a phone call from the team member from the Autism Office to share those recommendations. What she told me was that Ballerina would "likely succeed in the home school model".

First, let me just explain quickly, when they say "home school", they aren't talking about "home schooling". They are referring to the school that a child would attend under normal circumstances. Our home school happens to be down the street from our home. Big Brother walks or gets driven to school daily because we live too close for him to be bused. And, we are lucky that our home school offers a special education program called the "Early Learning Center". This is the program that Music Man has been recommended to attend next year and we were hoping for the same for Ballerina. So, this is what I assumed they were referring to.

As we were talking though, I realized something. She said "home school model". She didn't say "early learning center at her home school". HUH?!?! So I asked the obvious....."Are you saying that she is recommending Ballerina attend a typical kindergarten classroom?????" Her answer...."YES"!!!!!!

I'm in shock. When we first learned Ballerina and Music Man were on the spectrum, we decided we would do whatever was necessary because we wanted them to enter a typical kindergarten classroom when the time came. But when Big Brother was in kindergarten and I saw what these classes looked like, I modified that goal to the Learning Center, feeling that mainstream kindergarten was asking too much from them. And it looks like we have met that goal. I'm almost speechless!!!!

This weekend, Dad and I need to do some soul-searching. We need to decide what is best for her. Is she ready to handle the stress of being in a classroom (with just one teacher) with 15-18 other students? Yes, she will continue to receive speech and OT, but what is the best environment for her?

But one thing seems certain right now. Ballerina will be attending our home school for kindergarten. And so will Music Man. They will join Big Brother and all 3 kids will be in the same school. That is a huge victory all by itself!!!!!

And I plan to celebrate it. Long and hard.

Too much going on.....Time to get my head around it all....

I'm posting here because I need to put it down on "paper", so to speak. I really need to stop and take a breath right now. Tomorrow Music Man is home from school because he has his annual physical in the morning and on Monday's his program ends at noon. He'll also be home on Tuesday because his program has no school that day (professional development, I suppose). We are preparing for placement meetings for kindergarten (x2) at the end of the month and beginning of March (I think). Ballerina has her annual physical on Thursday morning, but assuming she's happy, I'm taking her to school once it's done so I can get some things done. She also has an appointment with the specialist next week which will be an all day affair. And we're planning on potty-training Music Man next weekend (since it's a 3-day weekend and he has NO plans). These things are on top of my other obligations. My stress level is through the roof. My head feels like it's going to EXPLODE!!!!!!!

This is a modified post of what I put on a Facebook Group I am in. After typing it all out, I realized I needed to sit down and write a blog post. That always seems to help me get myself more organized and get some perspective.

Everything I said in that first paragraph is true. All of these things are happening this month. We had the two school visits that I wrote about previously. We have heard the recommendation for Music Man, but Ballerina hasn't been seen by the cluster representative so we don't know if she will get the "green light" to enter the Early Learning Center (however, it seems that a negative response doesn't carry the weight of a positive one). And to make things more stressful, Ballerina decides that this is the perfect time to develop Pink Eye so she was home from school on Thursday and Friday and we made a "quick" visit to an urgent care clinic since we couldn't get an appointment at a convenient time with the pediatrician. Seriously.....my head is just POUNDING!!!!!

The truth is, this month really doesn't contain much more than any other. It just seems that way because of these few extras. And this placement meeting is really weighing on me. It seems so important. I know that if we decide the placement isn't correct, we can work to make changes so nothing is completely concrete. But it still feels that way. If we as a team make a decision that turns out to not be in their best interests, we can do something about it. And considering that the Early Learning Center is in our home school (the school they would be attending if they weren't classified as "special needs"), we have told that both our kids "have priority", should we need to transfer in during the year.

I am trying to live in the moment. I can't spend their lives wishing time to pass because we are faced with a deadline. This month is the first time in quite a while that I find myself thinking this way. But I need to stop. We are seeing a HUGE explosion in Music Man right now. And Ballerina continues to amaze us with her pixie-ish ways.

I need to stop worrying and realize that we are all doing the right things. There isn't a single day between now and Music Man's meeting that is completely overwhelming -- it just seems that way when we put it all together. So, I need to stop putting it together and take it one day at a time -- one event at a time. This week we have the 2 physical exams (and we'll squeeze in a haircut at some point) and Music Man will be home from school for a couple of days. There.....doesn't that seem easier?

We'll deal with the next chapter when it comes.....in just 5 days......

My Personal Conclusions

As I've mentioned numerous times, we are preparing for Ballerina and Music Man to leave the preschool world and enter kindergarten in the fall. We are fortunate that we live in an area that offers several programs for young students with autism. And, in order to be prepared for their placements meetings, we have visited 2 such programs.

The first one we visited was a school-based learning center. This is what I had always thought of as "Special Education" growing up. It is a program in a typical school that addresses the special needs of its students. There are opportunities for mainstreaming. Early on, these opportunities are designed to be during specials (gym, art, and music) as well as lunch and recess. As they grow, more time will be incorporated into the day. Additionally, if students can handle the experience, there are opportunities for them to spend additional time in a typical classroom, just without the added supports that they are currently accustomed.

We are fortunate that our "cluster's" learning center is located in our own home school. This means that it's the school that is just down the street from our house and the school that Big Brother has been attending for the last year-and-a-half. I am involved in this school's PTA and volunteer in Big Brother's classroom weekly. I'm recognized by many of the staff, especially in the office, and have gotten to know several other members of the school community. This is all a good thing. Additionally, I have taken the opportunity last year to speak with the kindergarten teacher to learn what is expected of her students when they enter this program.

Both Dad and I left with the impression that both Ballerina and Music Man would succeed here. We weren't certain at that moment if this was an ideal placement for them, simply because it was the only program we had visited (to date) and just had nothing to compare it to. For Ballerina, there was still one more program to consider. For Music Man, there was at least one more, possibly a third.

Today, we went to visit that second school. This school is also an academic program, but unlike the Learning Center I described a moment ago, that's part of a standard school, in this case the entire school is special needs. This bothers me. How can they learn to interact with typical peers if there are no models and no opportunity for such interaction in a school setting? But we visited anyway, knowing it was a strong possibility for Music Man and a decent possibility for Ballerina.

This school is NOT near our home. It took a good 30 minutes to get there after rush hour had ended. If either child would be attending this program, they would be heading over there during the extended rush hour for this area which means the commute would add upwards of 2 hours to their already long day. But Ballerina has had long bus-rides in the past. So we knew that shouldn't be a deal-breaker.

The tour of this second school was very interesting. Every classroom has a "Promethean Board" to be used as a learning tool. Additionally, in every classroom there is 1 teacher and 2 para-educators and the class sizes are anywhere between 6 and 10 students -- in the other school program, it's 1 teacher and 1 para-educator for upwards of 12 students. There are more opportunities for hands-on work. There is always speech pathologists and occupational therapists on-site.

But something else disturbs me about this school. It is an academic program so they wouldn't fall behind and would meet the minimal criteria to pass each grade level, but academics is not necessarily the emphasis in the classroom. They work on behavior modification and life skills as well. This really isn't the case at the other learning center. At the school-based learning center, there is a far more academic focus.

My children are very intelligent. They prove it to me over and over again. They are manipulative, endearing, challenging, and autistic. They surprise us nearly daily with the many things that they can do. I want to push them to be all they can be. I know that seems strange to say when we're talking about kindergarten programs, but because of the issues they will face as their academic careers advance, they NEED a program that will push them now so that they can face the challenges that lie ahead.

I truly believe, sitting in this chair this evening, that both of my children belong at our home-school's learning center. And Dad agrees with me, not because I told him to but because this is the conclusion that he reached based on visiting these programs. They should be placed there because I believe this program will challenge them but is still restrictive enough to address their many needs. And by being in an academic environment alongside typically developing peers, it will give them the opportunity to learn to successfully interact with them. Because when they leave elementary school after completing 5th grade, if they are going to continue in an academic program, they will need to do so in a mainstream setting, unless things change before then. I also want this to happen for more selfish reasons. If this does occur, all 3 of my children will be in the same school. Ballerina and Music Man will be back together, just as twins SHOULD be (in my opinion).

I hope that the team of teachers and educators agree with us. I welcome discussion because that will most often lead to making the best decision for the kids. But, in this case, I want us to start on the same page. What a success story this would be!

Time to "Be Prepared"

I thought that was a fun title for this post as Big Brother is a Tiger Scout and one of their den rules is "Be Prepared" (in preparation for becoming a boy scout in several years). But now it's my turn. We are approaching a major change in our child-raising experience when it comes to autism. And, because of the timing of various things, the time has now come to start preparing myself.

I am speaking, of course, about Ballerina's and Music Man's imminent entry into kindergarten. It's coming in September, whether we are ready for it or not. That's 8 months away. And decisions need to be made. We need to figure out what programs are best for them. We need to determine what areas we need to focus on to allow them to be successful as their school careers advance. And that decision-making process begins this week.

Yup.....on Thursday, Dad and I are going to visit the first of the recommended programs. We will visit another next week. This one is the one that I'm hoping will be the best fit for Ballerina. It's a special education program in our home school. The teacher's reputation for working with her students cannot be questioned (although parents often seem to fear her). The students are blended with their typical peers for specials and they share lunch/recess together as well. There are further mainstreaming opportunities if it is appropriate for each student. And this program has been my target, initially for both of my kids (Music Man's ideal placement is not in this program, however, per his teachers).

However, this is a HUGE step for my Ballerina. One of the benefits / detriments to her current program is that the teacher:student ratio is 1:1. She is used to having a teacher or para-educator beside her every moment of the day to help her, even though they have been trying to encourage her to do things independently. This will NOT be true in kindergarten, regardless of which program she is to enter. This is going to be hard for her to take.

I also have been hearing things that are happening in the school that makes me nervous. I have concerns about bullying, in particular. I'm not too concerned about this at the kindergarten level -- everything I hear affects children in the older grades. But I have to figure out how this is handled and how I can be on the look-out for my children to be sure they aren't victimized. I don't want to see all of their progress fade away because I have this dream of them to be just like all of the other children.

I also have to, once again (just as I did 2 years ago), remind myself that Ballerina and Music Man are two very different children. They are both smart and lovable. They are both autistic. They are both my children. And they are twins. That's about it for their similarities. Their needs are very different and what I need to consider for each will have to also be very different. It's still possible that the same program may suit each of them, but I have to be prepared that I will not have all 3 of my children in the same school as I was hoping to see this past September.

Either way, a placement decision for Ballerina is currently scheduled for February 27. This is why we need to consider these programs now. And, since we are considering them for her, we need to consider them for her brother as well. Time will tell what we choose to do. Let's just hope that I can make my own decision, that Dad and I agree, and that their respective teams will also support that decision. But I know to listen to what they have to say and to keep an open mind.

Here we go again!!!!!!

Is There EVER a "Right" Answer?

You see, we have a problem (what else is new?). Rachel's IEP Meeting was October 17. At that time, it was decided that she should be included in a typical pre-K class in her school to allow her to work on her social skills with her neurotypical peers. This would help her learn how to interact with others and would hopefully allow us to see her enter a typical kindergarten classroom setting at best, or at least allow her to be placed in "The Learning Center", one of the special education options for our public school system.

In our opinion, social skill development is the biggest shortcoming of the program she is currently enrolled; it is a program that is 1-to-1, highly-intensive ABA. It is a language and behavior based program. She rarely spends any time with other children with any realistic expectations of forming friendships. All of her "relationships" are with her teachers. So, by including her in the pre-K class, she would still get the 1-on-1 that the program is designed for part of the day and still be able to develop social skills. She was to start at 15 minutes/day and work her way up to the full afternoon.

It has been 6 months. She is still only attending this class for 15 minutes/day. It's not because of the school's refusal to incorporate the plan. It's because Rachel has been unwilling to cooperate. She cannot sit still and refuses to follow instructions. They have tried several different things, and they still have been unable to increase her time in this classroom. The question is "Why?"

I received an email from her teacher that we need to consider her placement. That can be read in a couple of different ways. Are they thinking that we need to change her overall placement for next year? Do they think we should modify her existing IEP? Or are they just looking for suggestions from me as to how to make this inclusion happen more successfully? This has led to me scheduling an observation visit on Wednesday afternoon, specifically to see her inclusion time with the pre-K class.

I was thinking that they may possibly be thinking putting her in a combination of programs. I mentioned in an earlier post that one of the family of preschool programs offered by our schools is called PEP. There are several different iterations of "PEP". The schools where these programs are located, often have more than one of these programs. There are children who cross between different PEP programs (I know of one who spends part of their day in PEP-INC and another part in PEP-Classic). However, neither the locations that I know of which has CAPP (where Rachel is currently) has any of the PEP programs. I was wondering if a good solution would be to combine the two programs (CAPP and PEP-INC) in the way they are currently trying to combine CAPP with the typical pre-K (perhaps she's not ready for that yet), but this is likely not a feasible option. I know that the schools are required to implement the IEP as it is written. I also know that they will not write an IEP in such a way that the resources don't exist to implement it correctly.

So, what's the right thing for us to do? When we were approaching her meeting in October, I was worried about the possibility of her being removed from the CAPP program. And I believe I was right at that time. And I'm still concerned about this. But today, May 10, is this actually the best thing for her right now? Would she be better off switching to PEP-INC? What (if anything) would we be sacrificing considering how well she learns via the ABA model?

Stay tuned.....right now, I'm not sure what that solution is going to be. Or, perhaps I'm reading too much into this meeting....