The Battle in my Head

Monday (tomorrow) is the first day of school.  Big Brother is starting 3rd grade and Ballerina and Music Man are entering 1st grade.  All 3 are still in the same school and I think all of them are looking forward to the return of routine.  And for the last week or so, we have been doing the normal "preparing" for another school year.

Before the end of last year, I had a conference with Music Man's teacher.  I knew he was struggling in most ways (non-academic) and I asked the question if he needed to repeat kindergarten.  I was wondering if he had the social maturity to advance with his classmates.  His teacher explained that he was definitely ready to move on to first grade and that she truly believed he was going to be successful. That year, her class was a combined kindergarten/first grade class (8 kindergarteners, 3 1st graders).  I followed up that first question if she thought she would keep Music Man in her class should she have a combined class again.  And she told me that she didn't believe so.  The way it was determined who would stay with her and who would move to the other teacher for that year indicated that Music Man would be moving on.  And, at the time, she wasn't sure if she would have any first graders in her classroom (she's basically a kindergarten teacher after all).

But as the year was about to end, she brought Music Man to the car and mentioned that it appeared that they were getting more kindergarteners for the Learning Center than one teacher could teach adequately.  In this 5 minute conversation, she indirectly suggested that she may keep Music Man in her class after all for first grade, should she have a combined class again.  She felt, at that time, that he may benefit with another year in her classroom (but he would still be a first grader).

On Thursday, she called me.  She wanted to inform me before I saw it through other means that she would be Music Man's teacher again this year.  When I first heard this, I was THRILLED.  This is a teacher that he knows and likes.  He understands what she expects from him and he already knows what he can get away with and when she will put her foot down (for the record, he can't get away with much of ANYTHING).  Her reputation is untouchable, and the reputation is well earned.  We saw a great deal of growth in him all year long and, despite still having many issues that we need to address, we felt he had a very successful year last year.  And they did this combined class just last year, so I knew that the teachers and staff were comfortable handling the transitions that are necessary (as the first graders are more integrated with the general education students than the kindergarteners).

But the more I think about it, the more I am concerned.  I'm still 10000% thrilled that she's his teacher, but I wonder about the thought process that made her keep him in her classroom.  He is very bright and more than satisfies the criteria to be a first grader.  That isn't in question.  But he is very big for his age (not just tall) and he will definitely stick out in this classroom of younger students.  Does he care?  Absolutely NOT.  He doesn't notice anything that has any social context to it.  From a social standpoint, he's probably closer to a 3 year old than a 6 year old.  He is very much an isolationist (if you can call a child by that description) and really has no desire to have friends or peer interactions.  He is a bit of a challenge with his behaviors and his phobias and the kindergarteners in the classroom may be better choices for his peers than the first graders that were in his class last year.

Once again, I need to learn to put my own perception of things to the side and try to see things from my child's point of view.  He will still do his thing and will be quite successful I have no doubt.  And 2 years with this teacher is a prize that I cherish.  I think that, once I see how things work in practice, I'll be more and more comfortable with this arrangement.

Finally......a post!

I know it's been AGES since I've written anything.  It's not that things have been quiet.....in fact they've been insanely busy.  But once I take a little time off from writing, I've been finding it VERY difficult to get back into it.  It's kind of been that way all year.

But I do have to share an AMAZING thing that happened this week.  It's about Ballerina.

For those of you who read my posts regularly, you KNOW how worried I was about her entering a general education kindergarten classroom.  And you know that my worries were not unfounded.  You know how many problems she was having at the start of the year to the point where the school was seriously considering changing her placement to be with Music Man.  Then things started to turn around in mid-October or so.

Well, the school year is about to end.  The last day of school is on June 14.  Big Brother was in the 2nd Grade play, "Going Buggy".  There were 3 performances of the play on Wednesday.....two during the school day for their fellow students and one in the evening for the parents who couldn't attend the daytime performances.  I saw the two during the day and watched both Ballerina and Music Man behave well as audience members.  I was very proud.

Dad was planning on taking Big Brother to the evening performance.  To both of our surprise, Ballerina asked to go too.  We saw no reason that she SHOULDN'T go, so Dad took her when the time came.  When she arrived, Dad started sending me texts and pictures.  She immediately found her classmates with older siblings in the show.  She ran over to them and gave them a GREAT BIG hug!!!!  And they played together until the performance started.  They were running up on stage (before the show) and just having a BLAST!!!!!

And when the performance started, she sat down with Dad to watch.  She stayed there quietly for a while, but then decided to sit on the floor in front.....with her FRIENDS!!!!!!  Her behavior was near perfect.  She just decided she would rather experience this moment with her friends rather than her Dad.

This year has been AMAZING for her.  Not only has she done well academically (her report cards are more than acceptable) but she has really started to understand the mechanics of social interaction.  She WANTS to be with her peers rather than her family.  She WANTS to play games (Red Light Green Light being her current favorite).  She loves to "hang out with the girls".  All of these things that I really never thought I would see with her.  I still see no signs of it in Music Man, nor do I ever really expect to.  But with her, it's so nice to see her looking like EVERYBODY else!

I know that people say that you shouldn't work on blending in when you were born to stand out.  And that's all well and good.  But it also puts you at risk for other problems down the road, such as bullying behaviors.  Sometimes, it's good to be part of the crowd.  I still want to see her be her own person.....don't misunderstand me.  But I don't want her to feel alone.  I want to see her fit in with those around her.  And I want to see her achieve success with everything she does.  And it really looks to me that she is on that path right now!

What Can Change in 2 Months?

Ballerina has a follow-up IEP Meeting coming up next week.  This is a pre-determined meeting to discuss the progress she is making following the changes that we made in October's Review Meeting.  We increased her hours of support, we instituted a behavior modification plan and we worked to ensure consistency across all staff members working with her.  And, outside of the meeting, a new behavior reward system was created for her which has been generally very positive.

First, let me describe this new reward system.  It's a laminated card, with a velcro strip on the bottom of both the front and the back of the card.  On the front are 6 choices of rewards (which I'm sure can be changed if needed), including a hug, read a book, take a walk, drink of water, some kind of game, and do a puzzle.  Ballerina chooses which reward she would like to work towards and then they begin.  On the back of the card are the expectations, including Quiet Mouth, Quiet Hands and Great Working.  There are 5 squares, each containing the picture of a heart. along the velcro strip on the front.  For every 10 minutes Ballerina successfully achieves those objectives, a heart is moved from the front to the back.  After all 5 hearts have been moved from the front to the back, she gets her requested reward.

The introduction of this reward chart is the best move that the school could have EVER made!!!!!!  Because of her ABA success, we know she responds well to periodic rewards.  But they can't be abstract.  They have to be something she can see and something she will receive immediately.  With this system, she is rewarded every 10 minutes with something small (the moving of the hearts which she witnesses [and even contributes to by confirming she's doing the 3 required things]) and then she gets her big reward when the hearts have all been moved.  She's been choosing a hug since they initiated this system, but she has the freedom to choose something different every time she starts again.

 
(pictures taken and emailed to me by Mrs. R [Ballerina's classroom teacher])

I spent just over an hour observing her in her classroom on Tuesday.  I was there from the time she returned from specials (Physical Education, in this case) until she left for lunch.  I watched her have a snack (and go over to get a drink from the water fountain), sit with her class on the carpet, answer some questions, return to her desk to complete a worksheet, and then go on to her independent learning center.  She had a paraeducator with her the whole time (they no longer have her do the independent learning center without one as she is unable to complete anything with success without the support).  She listened to the story (If You Give A Moose A Muffin by Laura Numeroff).  She answered the teacher's questions about the story.  And she walked back to her table to do the assignment.

During the time on the carpet, I watched the paraeducator move 2 of the hearts from one side of the card to the other, indicating that she was earning her rewards.  And I watched her complete the assignment.  There were several parts.....she had to write her name (using a "magic C"), color in the pictures, cut the pieces out, and paste them back onto the worksheet in the same order that these items appeared in the story.  It involved using her memory and her comprehension skills, as well as following multi-step instructions.  And she did it ALL!!!!!  Following the sequence of instructions was not a problem.  Determining the correct order for the pieces to be pasted back onto the page was a bit more challenging for her, but she had the book with her (and the para) and they were able to put it together correctly with the book to ensure that things were correct.  And then she was able to go to her center where, once again, she was asked to cut and paste and put together complete and correct sentences.

And through it all, every 10 minutes (or so) they would move another heart.  In the 75 minutes I was there, she received a hug and was about 60% to getting another (which I'm sure happened not long after recess).

The entire time I was there, there were no outbursts.  There were no tantrums.  There was no threat of being sent to Time Out (for her -- others were threatened to move their behavior cards).  She did all of her work, and did it correctly.  She worked well with her para and apologized for accidentally colliding with a classmate after being reminded to do so by the teacher.

She looked just like everyone else.....just a little different because of the support she was getting.

What a moment for this Autism Mom!!!!!!

Always Something To Worry About

Well, if it's not one thing, it's another......

First it was as they were getting ready to start kindergarten......could Ballerina handle the general ed classroom?  Were we pushing Music Man too far with this near-mainstream program?

Then it was the wedding......how would everything work out?

Now we're back to IEPs......yup.....it's time for another meeting.  On Wednesday, we're having Ballerina's first Review Meeting to determine what's working, what's not and what (if anything) needs to change.  And, trust me.....there's a LOT that needs to change.

I keep hearing bits from her teacher or from one of the learning specialists who she's been working with -- she needs help for all academic time, she needs a behavior plan.....you name it.  I was hoping things would be getting better at this point, but it seems like things are just staying the same.

I will be visiting her tomorrow, trying to be an invisible observer.  I plan to be there before she returns from PE (Physical Education) and will stay until after she leaves for lunch (so about 1.5 hours).  I will find a place to sit and I won't move.  I won't ignore anyone, but I will do all I can to not draw attention to myself.  I will hopefully get to see what is REALLY going on in that classroom.  I will get to see a couple of transitions, both into and out of the classroom.  And maybe I can start to understand what the teacher is dealing with.

I hate being in the dark like this.  By this time, when Big Brother was in kindergarten, I was already a classroom volunteer.  I can't bring up the subject until the meeting is over on Wednesday.  Hopefully, the teacher will consent and I'll be able to begin that role next week.

I just hate not knowing what's happening in the classroom because I'm not sure I'm getting an accurate picture in the reports.  She seems happy to go to school and happy to be picked up.  But I'm not sure what she's getting out of the classroom.

I just need answers.

Tough Mommy Moment

I know it's been a while since I posted here.....we had several computer issues that made it VERY difficult to write a post here (or anywhere).  But the computer's fixed and I have 15 minutes to sit down, so I want to pass along a story....

School has been in session for about 12 days so far.  We have been seeing ups and downs for all 3 kids.  But today I want to tell you about something that's been going on with Ballerina......

When kindergarteners (through second grade) at our school walk into school in the morning, they congregate in the "All Purpose Room".  They line up with their classes, socialize a bit and wait to be escorted to class. The kindergarteners started joining the first and second graders on the 2nd day of school.  On that day, Ballerina was escorted to the end of the line.  This way, she was able to hold the hand of a teacher to ensure there would be no elopement (we haven't had an issue with this for quite a while, but with a new school and new situations, you can never tell).  She was successfully escorted to class and a new routine was established.

When I say a new routine, I mean a new ROUTINE.  For Ballerina, we have a saying in our house...."Once makes a pattern".  Every detail of that procedure was cemented in her mind.  Ever since, she's been walking into the All-Purpose Room and walking to the back of the line, leaving plenty of space for her classmates to come in before her.  And, as more students arrive, she's been sliding back, making sure she's the last one on line.  I've been walking in with her and encouraging her to move forward and simply get in line when she arrives with her classmates arriving later to file in behind her.  But she really wanted to stay at the end of the line.  Since she wasn't causing trouble with this, everyone allowed her to get away with this.

Well, now it's the 3rd week of school and jobs are being assigned to each student in the class.  This includes the job of the "caboose".  The "caboose" is simply the last person on line, and everyone takes a turn there.  And, I have learned that her need to be last in line is not only at this first transition of the day, but every time the class lines up to transition from one place to another.  Because of that, we need to put a stop to the behavior.

Yesterday morning, I decided to start trying to put an end to this.  I got on the line myself, sitting "criss cross applesauce" (which is very uncomfortable to this nearly 41-year-old overweight Mom) and encouraged her to sit in my lap (with the approval of the para who was patrolling in the room).  She did this, and I thought we had made some real progress.  About 2 minutes later, another classmate arrived and sat behind me.  Ballerina kicked and screamed (which I [stupidly] was unprepared for) and she got up again and moved to the back of the line.  So, since she had experienced the success, I had to stop for the moment.  I went over to her and told her that she can NOT always be the last person on line.....that the middle of the line is fun.  I pointed out some of her classmates that she either talks about at home or who I have come to know from other means and how they were sitting and talking nicely together.  "This is what big kindergarten boys and girls do!" I explained and asked her if she was a girl or a boy (a favorite game of hers).  And I told her that I would see her later and left.

When I picked her up from school yesterday, her teacher and I had a short conversation about putting an end to this pattern.  I suggested trying to get there early enough so that she would be first on line so she still wouldn't be sandwiched between other children (which may have been part of the problem as she really isn't capable of articulating that kind of situation to me).  But I can't get into the school until 8:30.  There is a day care center on school property and those children are already in the school by that time.  There are 2 students in her class that attend that center, and they are always first on line.  So, despite knowing this and trying it this morning, we were still going to be the 3rd student on line, at least.

So, I did what I could do as a parent that I can't have the teachers or the paras do.  I forced the issue.  I sat down and had Ballerina sit on my lap.  I was restraining her (but not doing anything to cause harm).  I asked the next student to please sit behind Ballerina and continue the line behind us.  But Ballerina was going to do what was expected of her.....she was going to take her place in the middle of the line.  I was hoping that, once she realized I meant business, that she would back down.  But she didn't.  I was able to stop her (I think and hope) from kicking the other students around us (at the expense of myself) and she screamed most of the 15 minutes until it was time for her to be escorted to class.  Her teacher came over and I apologized, but told her that once I started, I couldn't stop.  Fortunately, she agreed and made sure that Ballerina went all the way to class in the middle of the line (despite her desperate attempts to migrate to the back).

This process attracted MANY stares, by both the other students and the paras.  By the time the teachers arrived, things seemed to have settled down a bit.  I felt terribly guilty because, like I said, I was doing something that would be illegal for the school staff to do.  I briefly talked to one of the paras trying to explain the situation.  She told me not to worry.....she too has an Autistic child and seeing what I was going through brought back painful memories.  She knows that sometimes it's necessary to force a situation and that I wasn't doing anything that would hurt my child.  I was VERY grateful to hear that because I was worried that, before the end of the day, Child Protective Services would be sitting at my front door to take my children away.

Also, Music Man's teacher came over to me (as I was a burned out bundle of nerves after Ballerina had left the room) and told me that it was OK and that she was walking to class, not quietly, but not fighting either.  I have sent a note to Ballerina's teacher to find out how this affected her day and have not yet heard back.  Hopefully, I didn't set a terrible tone for the rest of the day.

Sometimes things are more difficult than they need to be.  I know what I did was right because if I didn't do it, the situation would never change.  And I know Ballerina.  I know that sometimes you really have to force a situation to happen.  But I hate it when it happens.  And I hate it even more when I have to do it in public.  And it's even worse when I have to do this in front of her peers who may remember watching this for years to come.


ADDENDUM:
When I picked up Ballerina from school, Mrs. R. (her classroom teacher) came up to me to tell me something......after recess, the class lines up to come inside to return to class.  Ballerina, as expected, went immediately to the back of the line.  She saw Mrs. R. and took her place in the middle of the line!!!!  She still tried to migrate to the back as they were walking to class, but she was walking in the middle of the line without much verbal complaint.  I still plan to keep pushing this tomorrow and Friday, but the message may be sinking in faster than I had anticipated.

First Day Of School

It's August 27.  And, if you've been reading my posts lately, you know what that means.....it's the start of another school year.  And it's the start of a BIG year.....Big Brother is now in 2nd Grade and Ballerina and Music Man are now in KINDERGARTEN!!!!!  Music Man has the shelter of a special education classroom and Ballerina has been thrown to the wolves, starting her career as a student in a general education classroom.

I've been both excited and terrified (this is beyond nervous) about what's coming.  Ballerina has not been excited about starting school this weekend, but showing signs of nervousness.  I'm not certain if that's me projecting my own fears onto her or if she really wasn't happy about Mrs. R winning the battle of wills this past Friday during the Open House.  And everyone has been making such a big deal about kindergarten, I can understand her feeling apprehensive.  To make matters more complicated, I took her to school this morning rather than her arriving by bus.  And it's not the same school she's been attending the last 2.5 years.  She is now attending the same school as Music Man, for the first time.  Yet they're separated by the wall between the two classrooms.  And Big Brother is all the way down the hall, as far away as he could possibly be.

But, when they woke up this morning, we just jumped right in.  We had a normal breakfast.  Ballerina had her morning pudding (Focalin XR) and actually finished her cereal (slightly unusual).  Then she played on her phone and in front of the mirror.  She enjoyed looking at the princess in the mirror.  Music Man too was having a normal morning.  But I could feel the tension the closer we came to walking out the door.

For Music Man, it came out when I started putting on the socks and shoes.  He didn't want to wear sneakers or socks.  He knew that this meant it was time to go to school.  And the crying started.  He was all right once we got outside and into the car, but when we pulled into the school parking lot, things went from bad to worse.  He really didn't want to be THERE.  School was one thing, but Big Brother's school was another.  But as we were walking to the door, he saw the paraeducator for the kindergarten class, and he immediately started to feel more comfortable.  I could feel him stop pulling me away from the school and considering going with the para.  And, a minute or two later, she held out her hand, and he took it and went happily to his new experience.

For Ballerina, things didn't go so smoothly.  She became upset when Music Man got upset (not much of a surprise).  That was when she realized something BIG was happening.  We walked into the kindergarten playground where the other kindergarteners were waiting and she began to cling.  She kept insisting, "I CAN'T!" and was just VERY upset about everything.  After a couple of moments, Mrs. R came over to Ballerina and me.  She said that I could stay for a few minutes, or I could leave.  But if I was to leave, I had to go and not look back.  I thought about it for a moment, and realized that I needed to do JUST that.  So, I got Ballerina back on her feet, gave her a hug, and told her to have a good day.  I gave her a hug and a kiss, and then left the playground to check on Big Brother, listening to her crying and screaming the whole time.  I just hope she didn't see that I was crying too.

Later, I asked some of the parents who were dropping off their kindergarteners to check up on her, and they informed me that she was no longer upset and that the teachers had her under control.

It is now 2:45 and I am getting ready to pick them up from their first day of school.  I only hope that they ALL had a good day!!!!!


 
Big Brother preparing to leave for school.


     
Getting ready to get in the car to head to school for the first day.


   
Getting ready to enter the classrooms and begin a new year of learning.

A Test

The last two days have been a bit of a test.....Back To School Night last evening and Open House today.  This was my chance to see who these teachers are and what they will be able to do to help Ballerina and Music Man.

First of all, let me say that I got my wish in Ballerina's teacher.  It was the specific person I was hoping for.....while being kind, she is extremely strict and the children in her class learn very quickly that this is NOT a woman to cross.  This is EXACTLY what Ballerina needs.....she needs to understand that lines in the sand have been drawn and she needs to behave in an acceptable manner.  I think this teacher will give her that structure.

Overall, I spent most of the night in Music Man's classroom listening to his teacher.  I am familiar with the kindergarten curriculum (which is relatively new) as Big Brother also experienced this same curriculum (he was the first class, so his teachers have been learning along with him).  Even though the Learning Center follows the same curriculum, things are presented in a slightly different fashion, so that was the presentation I attended.  I really do like much of what this teacher does.....she too is kind but firm and her reputation is untouchable.  I know of several children who have been through her class since we began learning about educating Autistic children and, as a parent, you couldn't wish for better.  The only surprise was that there would be 3 first graders in the class as well (how this would be handled was explained to me [and the other parents]) and I know we are not alone in this.....the other program we considered had combined classes throughout elementary school.

Then, after the Learning Center teacher was done, I went to talk to Ballerina's teacher.  She had finished talking to the parents, but we talked briefly about my concerns and fears and made my recommendations about how to handle certain potential situations.  I had written a letter to her, but chose to not bring it in (it really just didn't feel right to do that when the time came) and when I left, I felt much better about the situation.  I knew her slightly from personal experience, but mostly by reputation.  This conversation proved to me that her reputation is well-earned and, like Music Man's teacher, she is quite firm with these children while still providing a fun and loving atmosphere.

For the Open House, Big Brother was in his element.....he went in, met his teacher, bragged about his trip to Grandma and Grandpa's house (how he went to a planetarium and the Intrepid, attended a carnival, swam in a lake, etc).  He spent much of the time with Ballerina and I, giving her a tour of the school.  She learned where not only her classroom was, but where the cafeteria, art room, gym, music room, library, and computer lab were located.

But she did start testing her teacher.  She didn't WANT to look at Mrs. R.  She didn't WANT to do the "assignment" (scavenger hunt around the classroom and school).  She didn't WANT to put the stickers for success on the paper, but put them on her fingertips.  But Mrs. R insisted.  And Ballerina complied....not exactly willingly, but by the end, quite enthusiastically.

Overall, it was a good couple of days.  My anxiety level has dropped slightly and hopefully things will feel even better once I drop them off at school on Monday.  In the meantime, it's time to enjoy the weekend!

6 Days....

.....Yup.....in 6 days school will begin again.

This isn't the countdown of a Mom who can't wait....well, it's not EXACTLY that.....it's partially that......but it's the countdown of a Mom who is terrified about what's coming.

Yes, I know that it's difficult for any parent to send their children off for the first day of kindergarten.  But with Big Brother, it really wasn't difficult at all.  It was, in fact, easy.  He was ready for it and so was I.  And I knew it (on both counts).  But this time, I don't know if it's because of their Autism diagnosis or if it's because they are my "babies", but I'm NOT ready for them to go off to kindergarten...exactly.....

We are in that home stretch right now.  We are finishing up the homework assignments and I'm getting ready to attend Back to School Night on Thursday evening to familiarize myself with what's coming.  And I'm going to bring them to school on Friday afternoon so they can all meet their teachers and really get a feel for the classrooms and the school as a whole.  I am working with teaching Ballerina what will be expected for her, and we are working on a specific issue that she has picked up (she's decided that tackling is fun) so that she won't demonstrate this new game to her classmates.

And we are doing something else today......Music Man has a play-date with a future classmate (who we know from Ballerina's preschool experiences).  This other child's mother and I are both hoping that, if they have a familiar face in the classroom, it will help make the transition just a bit easier.

We are doing everything we can to be sure they're ready for what's coming.  I have fewer concerns about Music Man as he will be in a more protected environment which makes me feel more comfortable.  But this is shaping up to be a VERY interesting week!

It's Getting Closer

Last week, ESY ended for both Ballerina and Music Man -- because of the storms, Music Man continued through last Wednesday.  Overall, it was a good transition for us.  In the morning, I would tell them that it was time for "school camp" and they would get ready.  And now that it's done, it's "No More School Camp", and they're fine.

Who would've thought?

Overall, it seemed to have been a good experience for both of them this summer.  Music Man had a chance to say good bye to his teachers and friends.  He's still young enough that I don't think he sees this as a real goodbye, but who knows.  He got to do it in a more relaxed atmosphere then during the school year and I think he was happy both to see it start and to see it end.

Ballerina had a different experience this summer.  Her ESY program was designed to give these kids a chance to learn what would be expected from them when they start kindergarten later this month.  It was taught by a general-education kindergarten teacher (coincidentally, the one who had been working with Ballerina since February) and she treated them just like she would treat an incoming kindergarten class, with those same expectations.  In our phone conference, the teacher explained that these kids are all preparing to enter a general education setting or an Early Learning Center setting (similar to the class Music Man will be starting) so these expectations will be set for them during the year as well.  Ballerina responded well and didn't have too many behavior outbursts.  The teacher also explained to me that she really does seem to take her cues from the other kids in the class.....if they are having a bad day, chances are, she is having one too.  While this piece of information doesn't really surprise me, it is something that I hadn't thought of, and I will have to remember to pass this information along to her kindergarten teacher once I learn who she is.

Right now, that's probably the biggest outstanding question for starting kindergarten -- who will Ballerina's teacher be?  I sent a note to the principal asking if this information was now available (her CAPP teacher from last year has offered to give her a social story and this information would be EXTREMELY helpful), but he informed me that the classes won't be finalized until August 13.  So, we're going to have to wait another week to get this last piece of information.  Then we will be all set for the final preparation of entry into kindergarten!

But, in the meantime, there are other skills kids have when they enter kindergarten.  They know how to play, and to play appropriately.  This is something that we have always had issues with for Ballerina and Music Man.  But over the weekend, this happened......



So, now it appears they have found this skill.  After all, they have a ready-made playmate right beside them.....now we just have to encourage them to continue this new behavior!

Kindergarten Orientation

Yesterday, I took Ballerina to our local school's Kindergarten Orientation.  This is intended for the children entering a typical classroom, but since we still don't know the plan for her, it was suggested that she attend.  I have made myself reasonably well known at the school and most of the teachers and administrators who were there know me and of Ballerina's situation (diagnosis and questionable placement).  But we all needed to see what was going to happen.

I started the morning with an experiment.  She was assigned (at my request) to the first group so orientation was at 9am.  School starts here at 8:50.  So, instead of Big Brother going to school with his friend and his mother, I drove him to school so we would be there (and a little early).  Normally, the kindergarten, 1st and 2nd grade kids get together with their classmates in the "All Purpose Room" (aka cafeteria) and then the teachers take them directly to their classroom as an entire class (on this day there was no kindergarten because of orientation day).  It gets VERY loud.  And I took Ballerina in to the All Purpose Room.

She walked in, looked around, and started to scream and pull away from me.  I wasn't going to let her run around there with all those kids so I held fast.  We had the tantrum.  We stayed in there for a minute or so and then I brought her out into the hallway.  I had my answer.  This first "experiment" was a fail, but an important piece of information for me.  You see, I planned to do this.  I wanted to see what she would do when she walked into the All Purpose Room because that's what she would be expected to do if she was to be placed in a typical classroom.  I won't be there to help her every day.  I wanted to see what would happen.  And I got to see it.  For myself.  First hand.

The Special Education Coordinator saw this whole thing.  She saw Ballerina's reaction when we were in the All Purpose Room.  She saw her still tantrumming while we were sitting in the hallway.  And she sprung into action.  She found the principal and arranged for the Occupational Therapy office to be opened so we could find some sensory tools to help calm her down.  First she was looking for a trampoline, but she didn't see one so she came out with a large textured ball,  Ballerina knew what she was supposed to do....she laid on it on her belly and rocked.  She fell off of it, which made her laugh and that really halted the tantrum.  It was still there, but it had fallen beneath the surface.  While she was doing this, I mentioned that THIS was why I was concerned about a typical classroom.  She does tantrum (not as often as she used to, but it does happen....even at school) and I need to know what will happen with her when that happens.

After she was mostly calm, I gave her my iPhone.  She found her games and was playing them quietly and we headed over to where the other parents were congregating.  She didn't want to stand still, so we walked up and down the kindergarten corridor (since they had no school, there were no students to disturb).  When they gave her a nametag sticker, she refused to put it on but kept it on her fingers (it ended up on her back at some point while we were separated).  She went with most of the kindergarten teachers to "play" (general testing to determine what these kids CAN do as an aid to helping them form classes for next year).  In the meantime, I went with the parents to the next room (and Big Brother's former kindergarten teacher) to discuss what kindergarten was all about.  I was pulled aside briefly to ask if Ballerina should stay with the rest of the kids or do these assessments in the Learning Center (special education classroom).  I told them to use their judgment, but it would be most helpful if they at least started with the typical set-up and they could transition her if it was necessary.  The moment she walked into the classroom and saw what work she had to do, she was fine.  THIS is what she's used to.  Standing around.......not so much!

When I spoke to the teachers at the end, they told me that she did very well.  She didn't cry and she went through every station and even had planted a pumpkin seed to take home (which is currently sitting in the kitchen window).  She was given homework every day, Monday through Friday, from June 1 until the first day of school (August 27).  Simple things.....writing her name one day.....jumping up and down five times on another......just to get her into the swing of things.  Overall, once the actual orientation began, things seemed to go VERY smoothly.

So, this really didn't show us much.  It didn't show us whether a typical classroom was right or if it was wrong.  But she got the experience.  She got to see what her new school will look like.  And, if she is in a typical classroom, we can work out a plan for her to get her to her class since, as of right now, going to the All Purpose Room doesn't look like the best option for her.  I am VERY happy she went.  And I hope it showed them what they needed to see.

Thinking.....Thinking.....

WOW!!! I haven't written anything here for a week! It's not that nothing has been happening -- it's just that it's been pretty quiet around here.

We just learned when we are going to make a "final decision" on Ballerina's kindergarten placement (late May). Last month, we discussed our options and decided to hold off making a decision until the end of the school year to see how she does as her teachers institute a couple of changes in the way they address her. She has started attending the kindergarten in her school for an hour or so each morning. While she is there, she is expected to behave like the other students in the classroom. She is expected to listen and to raise her hand when she wants to talk. And when she talks, she is expected to answer the specific questions. They are placing more demands on her to see how she handles the load. And they have instituted a "token" system -- when she behaves, she earns tokens. And then, at the end of the day, she can trade in her tokens for computer time, dress-up time, and time in front of the mirror.

So far, in general, we're seeing quite a bit of success. She has had a bad day or two, but in general, she's taken to the change in routine and thrived. And everyone is entitled to a bad day from time to time. And I'm thrilled that this has been so successful.

But I'm still worried about what's going to happen next year. I almost wish this wasn't quite as successful....if it doesn't work, they won't try to put her in a typical kindergarten classroom but into the Early Learning Center and then we can work on this next year. With this success, it's more likely that they will feel that our best option will be a mainstream classroom. And I have my doubts. I think she will be successful on most days. But what about when she has a bad day? Now they can remove her from the kindergarten classroom and prepare to start fresh the next day. But if she's not in the Early Learning Center, I'm not sure what they can do about it because they won't have anywhere to send her.

I know how this sounds. But it's accurate....I want her to have the learning center as a safety net. If she is placed there, she can use the resources available in that room to help her when things start to fall apart. We can use them for one year to help her make this transition. The CAPP program is one-on-one. It is considered one of the more intensive programs, and this is why I was told last year that she wouldn't be ready to enter a diploma bound program when she left preschool (see the article I wrote on SPD Blogger Network). I still would like to see her have a chance to acclimate to the school and then take the time to integrate into the typical classroom, which means placing her in the Early Learning Center. I want to see her thrive. And I believe the best way to make that happen is to give her one more year in a special education classroom.

Only one question remains.......who in that room is going to agree with me at the end of the school year.

A Goal Achieved

Well, now it's official. All 3 kids will be attending the same physical school next year. Big Brother will be in a typical 2nd grade classroom. Music Man will be in the Early Learning Center. And Ballerina will be in either a typical kindergarten classroom with resources or in the Early Learning Center with her twin brother. There will be no buses (except for field trips). There will be no need to coordinate between 3 different schools when one school is off one day and the other two are going, or two have a half day while the third does not......one school......one location.......one family!

This happened yesterday when we had Music Man's placement meeting. It was the simplest meeting I had ever attended, mainly because it was just formalizing the discussion I have been having with his teacher and administrator over these last few months. There were no surprises. There were no questions to be answered. We already knew where he was going and what we needed to pass along to his new teachers.

THIS has been the carrot for me. Everything we've done to date has led me to this point. To have all 3 of my kids in one school and have that school be located just down the street from our home feels like I've entered paradise. They will both have peer models to learn from. They will both be learning the state-wide kindergarten curriculum. They will both be given the same opportunities as their typically developing peers. Perhaps they will make friends (or maybe not).

When I think of where we were 3 years ago, I'm just in awe. They have learned so much! And they have made this Mom so proud!

And the answer is......

Well, today was the meeting to determine Ballerina's placement for kindergarten next year. We were also going to review the recent re-evaluation of her autism classification. Her last official evaluation was over 2.5 years ago and given her progress, the information contained in those reports were completely out of date. Don't get me wrong -- she's still autistic. But, in addition to those reports being over 2.5 years old when we are talking about a 5 year old, so much has changed since the introduction of intensive ABA (which had not been started at the time of the last evaluation) that we really couldn't use that report to understand her current status.

The review of the reports was really simple. The data that had already been presented to us about a week ago in the form of the written reports. We had a few questions, but the majority of the meeting was spent doing 2 things....(1) listening to the pre-K teacher describe her recent performance in class and (2) determining her kindergarten placement for next year.

When the pre-K teacher arrived, I was so grateful for everything she was saying. She spent about 15 minutes describing the problems that Ballerina was having in integrating into the classroom. She talked about how disruptive she is during circle time and group lesson time. She talked about how Ballerina has trouble dealing with the sudden changes in routine that just naturally come up. She is running into all sorts of minor problems with the teacher. She also never really cares about her classmates. She wants to do what she wants to do, when she wants to do it. That's Ballerina. And by the teacher bringing up these issues, I was just gaining ammunition to use to support my thoughts that she belongs in a special education classroom.

But when it was time to talk about placement, I was a little surprised by what the Autism Office representative proposed. She said we should wait until June to make our decision. Following the suggestion of a friend who has been through this already, I was prepared to ask them if we could revisit this issue at the end of the school year when we see where she is at that time. I have been promised that there will be a place in the Early Learning Center if that's where we feel she will best succeed at that time. And, if not, we can decide to put her in a typical classroom with "xx hours of resource" per week. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I intend to find out. We were talking about 15-20 hours per week. 1-3 hours of that will likely be for speech and OT (occupational therapy), but I'm not sure where the rest of the time comes in. Would she be spending that time in the Early Learning Center? Or will she have a para shadowing her and helping her get through her day? This is something I need to find out.

But in the meantime, Ballerina's teachers are going to be doing some experimentation. She currently participates in the pre-K class in the morning. They are going to try to introduce her in a kindergarten classroom (which is considerably more structured) for an hour in the afternoon to see how she performs. She also is going to start having lunch with the kindergarten class to see how she interacts with those kids. They are also going to start having the para become more invisible. They will be there to help should the need arise, but they want to see what Ballerina can do on her own. This is all information we can use when we meet again at the end of the school year.

So, we don't have an answer, exactly. But we do know that she will attend her own home school. Which means that, as of right now, we know that 2 of my children will be attending the same school next year. Music Man will likely be joining them, but we won't know that for sure until his meeting next month.

Our Next Step

It's been a few days since I sat down here to write a post. I think I just needed the time to think things through on my own and digest everything that happened to my family in the last 10 days or so. And many of these things are WONDERFUL!!!! Potty Training success (Music Man is even starting to stay dry during the night [although we have no expectation of that happening right now]). And the recommendation for Ballerina's placement -- it truly is a dream come true. I just needed to take a few days and get my head wrapped around it all. And I needed to do that before our meeting on Wednesday.

It's funny that I took time OFF from blogging when I was trying to get myself organized -- usually, this is where I do my thinking. But I think this one was a bit more internal. I love sharing our stories, but I needed to think this through on my own and then come back when I understood where we are headed. And now I believe that to be the case.

I'm speaking, of course, about Ballerina's kindergarten placement. Getting the recommendation of having her enter a typical classroom in kindergarten -- that really goes beyond our wildest dreams. This is what I want for her -- for both of them. It has been my goal from the moment we began our journey in the Autism World. But I have to take a step back. That may be my dream, but is it a wise decision for HER? SHE is the one who has to go to school every day and cope with her classroom, teacher, and classmates. Is this too much for her right now?

We think it is. Her current school environment is 1-on-1. In a typical classroom, there will be 1 teacher for upwards of 18 students. There will be no supports for her. And we are seeing an increase in behaviors over the last few months as well. So, we have a proposal for the team.

We don't believe she is CURRENTLY ready for a typical mainstream classroom. And based on the reports we received during her re-evaluation, we really don't think her teachers believe she is ready for that either. But that doesn't mean that she isn't ready to be introduced to a typical classroom setting. We can continue working with her during this school year to maximize her independence in school. We can fade the supports that she receives so that she has to do more and more things on her own.

But for next year, we are going to request that she enter the Early Learning Center. The nature of the program allows her mainstreaming opportunities for gym, art, music, lunch and recess. But she may be ready for more then that. After she establishes herself in her new school setting, we can begin bringing her into a typical classroom independently. We can start with short bursts and increase the time she spends in a typical classroom as she demonstrates she can handle the experience. Then, by the end of the year, she will be ready for a typical classroom setting and in first grade, we can introduce that new environment for her.

I believe this recommendation was made blindly. I don't believe the cluster representative had access to her records and history. She came and watched her for 20-30 minutes and the teachers tried their best to be sure she was as cooperative as possible. This is a good thing. I wouldn't want the cluster representative to be biased given what was written in those reports when she arrives to observe. But she doesn't know Ballerina. I do. Her teachers do. And I feel that she is overestimating what Ballerina can do right now.

I'm comfortable with this decision. I really do believe it's best for her and will allow her to adjust at her speed. And we are only talking about postponing mainstreaming for approximately one year. She may "survive" mainstreaming right now, but I really don't think she'll be able to thrive. I need her to THRIVE. Not just get by. If one more year will make that difference, it's definitely worth that postponement.

I'm not exactly sure what I will be walking into on Wednesday. Given the reports from her re-evaluation, the team should agree with me that mainstreaming to start her kindergarten year is not the wisest placement option for her. But I know they tend to be a bit aggressive. I am going in there prepared to argue for what I know to be the best for my daughter and hopefully that preparation will not be necessary. But I'll be prepared.

It's Been a Very Long Week!

This week has been a week of anguish and frustration as well as elation and celebration. In the last 7 days, we daytime urine potty trained Music Man (and if you aren't familiar with nearly every detail of that process, you obviously have NOT been reading my posts lately), took Ballerina to the developmental pediatrician for a scheduled review, received and read the updated reports about her current status and situation, and sat around listening to the results of her being observed by our cluster representative to determine kindergarten placement (already completed for Music Man). Yes, it's been a busy week.

You see, Ballerina's placement meeting is on Wednesday (February 29) and we will be making a decision at that time and we need to consider what the experts have to say as well as think about where we know her to be. We have been addressing her ADHD issues for a while now with mixed success. She has been having some difficulties in school lately as well. And the only thing I've been able to think of is, "NOT NOW!!!!" You see, my husband and I both made up our minds which program we wanted to see her attend next year, and if these behaviors continue, I can see her not receiving the recommendation which means we need to work harder in the meeting to convince the team that she belongs there. And I also received these reports that pointed out the many issues we are familiar with. Once again, I was getting the feeling that she wasn't going to receive the recommendation.

Well, today was the day. The cluster rep was coming to observe her and tell the team what she believed is the best program option for our Ballerina. Earlier this afternoon, I received a phone call from the team member from the Autism Office to share those recommendations. What she told me was that Ballerina would "likely succeed in the home school model".

First, let me just explain quickly, when they say "home school", they aren't talking about "home schooling". They are referring to the school that a child would attend under normal circumstances. Our home school happens to be down the street from our home. Big Brother walks or gets driven to school daily because we live too close for him to be bused. And, we are lucky that our home school offers a special education program called the "Early Learning Center". This is the program that Music Man has been recommended to attend next year and we were hoping for the same for Ballerina. So, this is what I assumed they were referring to.

As we were talking though, I realized something. She said "home school model". She didn't say "early learning center at her home school". HUH?!?! So I asked the obvious....."Are you saying that she is recommending Ballerina attend a typical kindergarten classroom?????" Her answer...."YES"!!!!!!

I'm in shock. When we first learned Ballerina and Music Man were on the spectrum, we decided we would do whatever was necessary because we wanted them to enter a typical kindergarten classroom when the time came. But when Big Brother was in kindergarten and I saw what these classes looked like, I modified that goal to the Learning Center, feeling that mainstream kindergarten was asking too much from them. And it looks like we have met that goal. I'm almost speechless!!!!

This weekend, Dad and I need to do some soul-searching. We need to decide what is best for her. Is she ready to handle the stress of being in a classroom (with just one teacher) with 15-18 other students? Yes, she will continue to receive speech and OT, but what is the best environment for her?

But one thing seems certain right now. Ballerina will be attending our home school for kindergarten. And so will Music Man. They will join Big Brother and all 3 kids will be in the same school. That is a huge victory all by itself!!!!!

And I plan to celebrate it. Long and hard.

My Head Is Spinning

Why does it have to be February? Why can't we just go from January to March? It always happens in February. For the last 3 years, my life has been turned upside down during this short month.

That is true for this week, in particular. This week has shown itself to be a bit much. Things keep happening and are getting added to the mix. And today is no exception.

You see, we have Ballerina's placement meeting coming up and I'm getting the feeling it is NOT going to go the way I want. I received an email from Ballerina's teacher earlier today that told me her behavior is getting worse rather than improving. We have an appointment with the developmental pediatrician at Children's Hospital on Tuesday (after potty training weekend with Music Man). I'm going to print out a copy of this note and bring it with me so we can work on addressing some of the specific issues the teacher describes.

But the representative from our school cluster who will make a recommendation of whether or not Ballerina will do well at the Early Learning Center at our home school will be coming to observe her in just 7 days. If these behaviors show themselves during that visit, I strongly suspect that the recommendation won't favor her placement there. I know.....maybe that means that she would be better off in the second setting, but I truly don't believe that is the case. She won't have any NT peer models to emulate. I don't think the class will challenge her. To put it another way, I didn't get that "warm fuzzy feeling" of knowing it's the right place for her like I did when I visited CAPP (her current school) or the Early Learning Center. I really can't explain it very well......it's an instinct. But I have to be prepared to argue that point to the committee. I don't think they are going to take Mom saying, "I just feel it's right for her" if the cluster rep says "No".

So, on top of everything else, I have to work out a strategy to convince a room full of educators that I know where my daughter belongs for next year. I have to be prepared to make my case so that they are willing to consider what I have to say. It may not be necessary (hopefully I will know on 2/24 after the cluster rep leaves) and the recommendation will be positive, in which case, it's pretty much a "done deal".

Why does it have to be February????????

Too much going on.....Time to get my head around it all....

I'm posting here because I need to put it down on "paper", so to speak. I really need to stop and take a breath right now. Tomorrow Music Man is home from school because he has his annual physical in the morning and on Monday's his program ends at noon. He'll also be home on Tuesday because his program has no school that day (professional development, I suppose). We are preparing for placement meetings for kindergarten (x2) at the end of the month and beginning of March (I think). Ballerina has her annual physical on Thursday morning, but assuming she's happy, I'm taking her to school once it's done so I can get some things done. She also has an appointment with the specialist next week which will be an all day affair. And we're planning on potty-training Music Man next weekend (since it's a 3-day weekend and he has NO plans). These things are on top of my other obligations. My stress level is through the roof. My head feels like it's going to EXPLODE!!!!!!!

This is a modified post of what I put on a Facebook Group I am in. After typing it all out, I realized I needed to sit down and write a blog post. That always seems to help me get myself more organized and get some perspective.

Everything I said in that first paragraph is true. All of these things are happening this month. We had the two school visits that I wrote about previously. We have heard the recommendation for Music Man, but Ballerina hasn't been seen by the cluster representative so we don't know if she will get the "green light" to enter the Early Learning Center (however, it seems that a negative response doesn't carry the weight of a positive one). And to make things more stressful, Ballerina decides that this is the perfect time to develop Pink Eye so she was home from school on Thursday and Friday and we made a "quick" visit to an urgent care clinic since we couldn't get an appointment at a convenient time with the pediatrician. Seriously.....my head is just POUNDING!!!!!

The truth is, this month really doesn't contain much more than any other. It just seems that way because of these few extras. And this placement meeting is really weighing on me. It seems so important. I know that if we decide the placement isn't correct, we can work to make changes so nothing is completely concrete. But it still feels that way. If we as a team make a decision that turns out to not be in their best interests, we can do something about it. And considering that the Early Learning Center is in our home school (the school they would be attending if they weren't classified as "special needs"), we have told that both our kids "have priority", should we need to transfer in during the year.

I am trying to live in the moment. I can't spend their lives wishing time to pass because we are faced with a deadline. This month is the first time in quite a while that I find myself thinking this way. But I need to stop. We are seeing a HUGE explosion in Music Man right now. And Ballerina continues to amaze us with her pixie-ish ways.

I need to stop worrying and realize that we are all doing the right things. There isn't a single day between now and Music Man's meeting that is completely overwhelming -- it just seems that way when we put it all together. So, I need to stop putting it together and take it one day at a time -- one event at a time. This week we have the 2 physical exams (and we'll squeeze in a haircut at some point) and Music Man will be home from school for a couple of days. There.....doesn't that seem easier?

We'll deal with the next chapter when it comes.....in just 5 days......

My Personal Conclusions

As I've mentioned numerous times, we are preparing for Ballerina and Music Man to leave the preschool world and enter kindergarten in the fall. We are fortunate that we live in an area that offers several programs for young students with autism. And, in order to be prepared for their placements meetings, we have visited 2 such programs.

The first one we visited was a school-based learning center. This is what I had always thought of as "Special Education" growing up. It is a program in a typical school that addresses the special needs of its students. There are opportunities for mainstreaming. Early on, these opportunities are designed to be during specials (gym, art, and music) as well as lunch and recess. As they grow, more time will be incorporated into the day. Additionally, if students can handle the experience, there are opportunities for them to spend additional time in a typical classroom, just without the added supports that they are currently accustomed.

We are fortunate that our "cluster's" learning center is located in our own home school. This means that it's the school that is just down the street from our house and the school that Big Brother has been attending for the last year-and-a-half. I am involved in this school's PTA and volunteer in Big Brother's classroom weekly. I'm recognized by many of the staff, especially in the office, and have gotten to know several other members of the school community. This is all a good thing. Additionally, I have taken the opportunity last year to speak with the kindergarten teacher to learn what is expected of her students when they enter this program.

Both Dad and I left with the impression that both Ballerina and Music Man would succeed here. We weren't certain at that moment if this was an ideal placement for them, simply because it was the only program we had visited (to date) and just had nothing to compare it to. For Ballerina, there was still one more program to consider. For Music Man, there was at least one more, possibly a third.

Today, we went to visit that second school. This school is also an academic program, but unlike the Learning Center I described a moment ago, that's part of a standard school, in this case the entire school is special needs. This bothers me. How can they learn to interact with typical peers if there are no models and no opportunity for such interaction in a school setting? But we visited anyway, knowing it was a strong possibility for Music Man and a decent possibility for Ballerina.

This school is NOT near our home. It took a good 30 minutes to get there after rush hour had ended. If either child would be attending this program, they would be heading over there during the extended rush hour for this area which means the commute would add upwards of 2 hours to their already long day. But Ballerina has had long bus-rides in the past. So we knew that shouldn't be a deal-breaker.

The tour of this second school was very interesting. Every classroom has a "Promethean Board" to be used as a learning tool. Additionally, in every classroom there is 1 teacher and 2 para-educators and the class sizes are anywhere between 6 and 10 students -- in the other school program, it's 1 teacher and 1 para-educator for upwards of 12 students. There are more opportunities for hands-on work. There is always speech pathologists and occupational therapists on-site.

But something else disturbs me about this school. It is an academic program so they wouldn't fall behind and would meet the minimal criteria to pass each grade level, but academics is not necessarily the emphasis in the classroom. They work on behavior modification and life skills as well. This really isn't the case at the other learning center. At the school-based learning center, there is a far more academic focus.

My children are very intelligent. They prove it to me over and over again. They are manipulative, endearing, challenging, and autistic. They surprise us nearly daily with the many things that they can do. I want to push them to be all they can be. I know that seems strange to say when we're talking about kindergarten programs, but because of the issues they will face as their academic careers advance, they NEED a program that will push them now so that they can face the challenges that lie ahead.

I truly believe, sitting in this chair this evening, that both of my children belong at our home-school's learning center. And Dad agrees with me, not because I told him to but because this is the conclusion that he reached based on visiting these programs. They should be placed there because I believe this program will challenge them but is still restrictive enough to address their many needs. And by being in an academic environment alongside typically developing peers, it will give them the opportunity to learn to successfully interact with them. Because when they leave elementary school after completing 5th grade, if they are going to continue in an academic program, they will need to do so in a mainstream setting, unless things change before then. I also want this to happen for more selfish reasons. If this does occur, all 3 of my children will be in the same school. Ballerina and Music Man will be back together, just as twins SHOULD be (in my opinion).

I hope that the team of teachers and educators agree with us. I welcome discussion because that will most often lead to making the best decision for the kids. But, in this case, I want us to start on the same page. What a success story this would be!

Time to "Be Prepared"

I thought that was a fun title for this post as Big Brother is a Tiger Scout and one of their den rules is "Be Prepared" (in preparation for becoming a boy scout in several years). But now it's my turn. We are approaching a major change in our child-raising experience when it comes to autism. And, because of the timing of various things, the time has now come to start preparing myself.

I am speaking, of course, about Ballerina's and Music Man's imminent entry into kindergarten. It's coming in September, whether we are ready for it or not. That's 8 months away. And decisions need to be made. We need to figure out what programs are best for them. We need to determine what areas we need to focus on to allow them to be successful as their school careers advance. And that decision-making process begins this week.

Yup.....on Thursday, Dad and I are going to visit the first of the recommended programs. We will visit another next week. This one is the one that I'm hoping will be the best fit for Ballerina. It's a special education program in our home school. The teacher's reputation for working with her students cannot be questioned (although parents often seem to fear her). The students are blended with their typical peers for specials and they share lunch/recess together as well. There are further mainstreaming opportunities if it is appropriate for each student. And this program has been my target, initially for both of my kids (Music Man's ideal placement is not in this program, however, per his teachers).

However, this is a HUGE step for my Ballerina. One of the benefits / detriments to her current program is that the teacher:student ratio is 1:1. She is used to having a teacher or para-educator beside her every moment of the day to help her, even though they have been trying to encourage her to do things independently. This will NOT be true in kindergarten, regardless of which program she is to enter. This is going to be hard for her to take.

I also have been hearing things that are happening in the school that makes me nervous. I have concerns about bullying, in particular. I'm not too concerned about this at the kindergarten level -- everything I hear affects children in the older grades. But I have to figure out how this is handled and how I can be on the look-out for my children to be sure they aren't victimized. I don't want to see all of their progress fade away because I have this dream of them to be just like all of the other children.

I also have to, once again (just as I did 2 years ago), remind myself that Ballerina and Music Man are two very different children. They are both smart and lovable. They are both autistic. They are both my children. And they are twins. That's about it for their similarities. Their needs are very different and what I need to consider for each will have to also be very different. It's still possible that the same program may suit each of them, but I have to be prepared that I will not have all 3 of my children in the same school as I was hoping to see this past September.

Either way, a placement decision for Ballerina is currently scheduled for February 27. This is why we need to consider these programs now. And, since we are considering them for her, we need to consider them for her brother as well. Time will tell what we choose to do. Let's just hope that I can make my own decision, that Dad and I agree, and that their respective teams will also support that decision. But I know to listen to what they have to say and to keep an open mind.

Here we go again!!!!!!

School is Coming

This is something that parents look forward to, probably more than most things during the year. This is also something that children look towards, some with anticipation, some with dread as it is a clear milestone for them. Return of routine. Return of strict structure. Return of goals. And return of worry.

School is where we see the most progress in both Rachel and Simon. This is where they learn how to be with their peers and where they assess their ability to cope in various settings. They introduce as many settings as possible to teach them to cope. And they use these experiences to determine placements. This year, at their IEP meetings in the first couple of months of school, we will be targeting their kindergarten placement. It will be too early in the school year to make assignments, but I have goals for each of them and they are both attainable, if everything goes well. But we have to work. I'm gearing myself up for a VERY busy year. It's quite worrisome, but I know everything will work out fine.

Yesterday was open house. Yup, 3 of them. Simon's was at 11, Rachel's at 2 and Daniel's at 4. There were issues at all 3. When we went to Simon, I had both boys (Rachel was at her last day of gymnastics camp at The Little Gym (which she LOVED). We pulled into the parking lot and Simon threw a FIT. He did NOT want to go. He didn't want to get out of his seat, even though I had been telling him that we were going and he was going to see his teacher (Ms. Evelyn) who, although she has never been his teacher for school before (but has been for camp), he is familiar with her since he started the program. But no...."NO SCHOOL!" he kept shouting. Well, I suppose I should be happy that he recognized we were at "school" and that he was expressing his opinions so effectively. But, starting Monday, he'll be back there. I eventually got him inside, promised I wasn't leaving and he did have fun once he started recognizing his friends, teacher, and, most importantly, books. We were there for nearly an hour and he did eventually relax and have fun. The bus will come to pick him up on Monday and we may have some issues there, but I hope his anticipation will outrank his fears and trepidations.

After picking up Rachel from camp, we headed over to HER open house. We got there pretty much right on time, along with the rest of her school. And, unlike Simon's school, this is a full elementary school (Simon's school has a total of 12 students currently) which means that we were facing a lot of kids, parents, teachers, administrators......it would be overwhelming to anyone, much less a 4.5 year old girl with autism. Daniel was excited to be there....another place for him to explore. Simon knew it wasn't HIS school so he too was fine. Rachel was SCARED. She tried to hide behind me. When the principal got down on his knee to say "Hello" to her, she just clung to me even tighter. He recognized the need to back off and addressed her later in her own classroom rather than in the crowded entryway. She has been asking about "Ms. Suzanne" since summer school has ended, even though she will no longer be in her classroom. As we were going down the hallway, she suddenly seemed to understand that her teacher was changing and decided to give "Ms. Suzanne" the cold shoulder (how DARE you switch me to someone else's class). But again, as she recognized where she was and all her favorite things were still there, she seemed to settle into it all.

I had a lengthy conversation with her new teacher about what I was hoping to see about her kindergarten placement and how the Focalin should really help with her attention issues that we were seeing last year. We are still waiting to see whether she will be joining the morning or afternoon pre-K, but once we know that, we will be able to determine if we need to start administering the medication before she leaves for school or during lunchtime. They intend to wait a couple of weeks before making that determination, and I will allow that to happen. But again, since my goals for her are aggressive, I can't allow myself to become complacent.

Then we were waiting for Kevin to come home so I could take Daniel to HIS open house. After all, he had been to the other 2 (and had a blast since their classrooms are full of toys). By the time he came home and we walked down the hill, the Open House at his school was over. We were able to figure out who his teacher was, find the classroom and review the class roster (only 2 kids from his class last year are in his class this year, but fortunately, one of them is someone he considers a friend) and none of the other kids he talked about last year are in his class. But we never got to meet the teacher. So, on Monday, Daniel will get to meet his teacher for the first time. He has actual DESKS this year, which is a change. But what was his impression of the classroom? BORING!!!!! I tried to explain to him that he (in first grade [and a typical first grade classroom]) wasn't going to find a room full of toys like his brother and sister, who were in pre-K. But I think he's a little jealous.

But the boys both go back to school on Monday. Rachel starts on 9/6. Our extracurricular activities are also starting again these next couple of weeks. Our lives are about to go back to being a series of routines. Everything we do will be based on schedules, because that's just the way we are. And I think everyone here will be happy about it!!!!!