So Much Progress, So Far To Go

Today was our first review meeting for Ballerina.  She has been in a general education classroom for 7-8 weeks and we needed to sit down as a group and figure out what's working and what's not.  We had agreed to do this during her placement meeting / annual review at the end of last year.

Yesterday, I went to visit her in her classroom.  I wanted to see what her teacher sees so I could understand the things that she was bringing up in the supporting paperwork.  And, we all know that many children display something different while they are at school as compared to when they are at home.  And her teacher told me that in so many ways she has made some great improvements, especially in these last couple of weeks.  Her outbursts are less frequent and less intense, she has become much more compliant (especially for her classroom teacher) and they are discovering some of her passions.  However, her focus is a real issue.  She has a very difficult time following anything greater than 2-step instructions and she needs someone constantly prodding her to get her tasks completed.

But I watched her complete tasks.  I watched her complete worksheets that involved multiple tasks (coloring, cutting and pasting) along with working on an academic concept (rhyming).  But every minute or so, the para who was working with her had to prod her to get her focus back.

But the meeting started this morning and it began with the principal explaining that at the start of the school year that many on her team were concerned about her placement in general.  General education classroom is extremely demanding and it was thought that perhaps it was beyond what she was ready to handle.  However, these changes in these last couple of weeks showed them all that yes, a general education classroom is the right placement for her.  We just have to make a couple adjustments to her plan to allow her to be successful.  Knowing that we weren't going to make such a change (even though I strongly suspected this would be the case), it definitely helped to put me more at ease.

And transitions are still a problem (although they are greatly improved).  She is no longer considered a menace to herself or her classmates with her constant body dropping behaviors as she was when the school year began.

It was great to listen to her entire team talk about all of the improvements she has made thus far this year.  We did increase the number of hours of support because, honestly, she needs it.  She was originally assigned 15 hours/week, but in practice she needs (and receives) 25 hours/week.  By putting this into her official plan, it helps the school find the needed staffing and makes it more likely that she will get a dedicated staff member which will give her the consistency that she needs.  The intent is still to try and reduce it over time, but for now, she really needs the help.  Without it, she is not able to stay on task.  One of the things I did observe is the 30 minutes or so in the morning where she is working independently.  She was unable to complete any tasks.  And when I asked if this was true regardless of the "center", her teacher informed me that it is.

Her classroom teacher is going to attempt a few simple tricks to see if they can improve her focus, including introducing some background classical music for quiet work times.  Since she seems to enjoy music so much, perhaps it will help keep her calm and allow her to focus more on the tasks at hand.  In addition, we are initiating a Formal Behavior Plan to ensure consistency across various staff members.  Hopefully, these will all contribute to her success.  We also agreed to meet again in December to discuss whether these efforts are successful and to, if necessary, make further modifications to her plan.

Now it's time to turn my attention to Music Man's meeting, which is scheduled for next week.  His meeting will be a full annual review which will likely be a bit more intense.

I need to learn to control myself in approaching these meetings.  They always cause so much anxiety.  You would think I would be used to them by now.  Perhaps this next one will be the one that makes me realize that this process is in place to help my children and I shouldn't get so worked up about these every single time.

Always Something To Worry About

Well, if it's not one thing, it's another......

First it was as they were getting ready to start kindergarten......could Ballerina handle the general ed classroom?  Were we pushing Music Man too far with this near-mainstream program?

Then it was the wedding......how would everything work out?

Now we're back to IEPs......yup.....it's time for another meeting.  On Wednesday, we're having Ballerina's first Review Meeting to determine what's working, what's not and what (if anything) needs to change.  And, trust me.....there's a LOT that needs to change.

I keep hearing bits from her teacher or from one of the learning specialists who she's been working with -- she needs help for all academic time, she needs a behavior plan.....you name it.  I was hoping things would be getting better at this point, but it seems like things are just staying the same.

I will be visiting her tomorrow, trying to be an invisible observer.  I plan to be there before she returns from PE (Physical Education) and will stay until after she leaves for lunch (so about 1.5 hours).  I will find a place to sit and I won't move.  I won't ignore anyone, but I will do all I can to not draw attention to myself.  I will hopefully get to see what is REALLY going on in that classroom.  I will get to see a couple of transitions, both into and out of the classroom.  And maybe I can start to understand what the teacher is dealing with.

I hate being in the dark like this.  By this time, when Big Brother was in kindergarten, I was already a classroom volunteer.  I can't bring up the subject until the meeting is over on Wednesday.  Hopefully, the teacher will consent and I'll be able to begin that role next week.

I just hate not knowing what's happening in the classroom because I'm not sure I'm getting an accurate picture in the reports.  She seems happy to go to school and happy to be picked up.  But I'm not sure what she's getting out of the classroom.

I just need answers.

Anxiety

I don't think parents of special needs children are more anxious about anything as much as they are about the dreaded "IEP Meeting". And I have to count myself in that group.

Simon's IEP Meeting is on Thursday. I will be going to school to visit and observe tomorrow (Wednesday). I have reviewed his draft IEP document and have a couple of questions, but they are minor. But once again, I'm about to sit in a room that is going to define his next academic year (but I realize this time that we aren't going to be seriously considering kindergarten placement yet) and I find myself wondering if I am making the best decisions.

Is my desire to have him attend this particular program for kindergarten really the best option? Because all of the goals and objectives have that plan in mind. There are many reasons I want him to go to this particular program. Some are for his benefits and others are for mine. And there's always that thought in the back of my mind of putting Rachel and Simon together again, a dream that I (apparently) still haven't fully let go.

I don't know if we are going to take the time during the meeting to discuss the options (even though we won't reach a decision). But, unlike for Rachel, I'm really not sure what the best choice for Simon will be. Either way, I hope that we can discuss it rather than have one of us dictate to the other what should be done.

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

Today is my 40th birthday. And what a day it's been. A day of meetings. A day of activities. And a day of reflection.

It was a year ago today that I first announced I wanted to become a parent advocate. I still don't fully know or understand what that means, other than trying to help other parents find the best solutions for their children and help them achieve placements allowing them to get them into these programs. Well, I don't know how to do that, but I spent the year giving my advice to people who are trying to find solutions. And I hope I did it in such a way to give them the tools to help them find what they need. And MCASA (Montgomery County Autism Society of America) has allowed me to put the phrase "Parent Advocate" on my business cards based on the information I provided them with regards to my activities. So, I would say I have successfully achieved that goal. This is what I thought about when I found a few minutes today.

But that's not what today was about. Today was about being busy doing things for my kids. It was about being a Mom to 2 children with autism and their neurotypical very busy brother. It was about making sure that I was able to give them everything I could.

The day started with spending much of the morning in my Daniel's first grade classroom. I am typically there on Tuesday mornings, giving the teacher an extra pair of hands. The kids are engaged in independent learning and I help answer their questions or help them figure out how to do their assignments. It's quite fun and I look forward to seeing them progress as the year goes on. I spent most of my time today working with one child in the class and hope that he will benefit from that one-on-one work. And doing this had another benefit -- it gave me something to think about before heading over to what was worrying me most about the week. Rachel's IEP Meeting.

Because when I left Daniel's classroom, that's where I headed next. I ran home to let Domino run around the backyard and grabbed a quick lunch at home before heading over to Rachel's school (but of course made a quick stop at Starbucks for a Pumpkin Spice Latte on the way). And I arrived there about 10 minutes early. That's when the nerves really kicked in. I knew 4 areas that we needed to address......(1) OT (Occupational Therapy) -- she really is quite behind here and refuses to do any art projects with me including basic coloring and even when she DOES do this, it's rushed and her grip is more of a grasp rather than the pincher grasp that she needs to have. (2) Her behavior issues at home (specificially, her violent tendencies towards Daniel when Simon gets upset) even if this is difficult because they don't see this at school. (3) Her integration into pre-K. This has (temporarily) been put on hold, but there are 3 children that are doing this and they will be continuing to practice until the pre-K class is ready to resume for these kids. This is expected to resume on November 1. (4) Kindergarten placement.

Overall, I think we had some good answers for these questions. They didn't see as much of a problem as I did with the OT, but that's because Rachel is willing to do these things at school. They gave me some ideas how to get her more willing to do these tasks for me, and they did make sure that the OT goals were comprehensive. They also don't see the behavior issues I described, but they did listen and will try to incorporate some lessons to help her in these areas.

The only one of these 4 that I was disappointed with the results was the question of her kindergarten placement. I was hoping they were going to make a preliminary placement decision for her. I realize it's too early in the year to make a definite placement decision, but I'm concerned about there being space in the program I desire for her if we don't, for lack of a better way of phrasing it, reserve her spot for next year. They however, informed me that they will find room for her in the closest location for the program that she is assigned. I REALLY want to see her in our home school with opportunities for integration with typical classes and I really want her to be with this particular teacher. I need to figure out how to make sure that happens. Right now, I'm not sure how best to do that, or if I'm sitting here worried about nothing.

But I survived her IEP Meeting.

I even survived picking up the boys from their respective schools, even through a pretty significant Simon meltdown.

There's still one more parenting event left today.....taking Daniel to his nature walk with his Tiger Scout Den. He is looking forward to this, even though I'm not. And it went reasonably well....the kids all had fun and the walk was short and sweet (and a bit dark). They discussed what they saw and I just looked forward to getting home and having no more responsibility for the day.

So, tomorrow I can relax. Tomorrow I can sit back and enjoy coffee with a friend. Tomorrow I can celebrate. Today, I was what I always wanted to be....A BUSY Mom!!!!!! What better way to spend my 40th Birthday!!!!!