Monday, October 12, 2009

I really wish I knew what my problem was....

...I've been trying to talk to someone for a while about some of the things that have been bothering me since the summer. I've talked to other moms with autistic kids (singleton and multiples). I've talked to other friends, some of whom have kids (with or without autism), others don't. I've read a couple of books (all right, chapters of books). I've talked to our pediatrician. I've posted here. Today I talked with the social worker handling our family with our local early intervention program. But I still can't ask the right questions. The problem is I just don't know what the question is and why I'm SO upset these days....

So many things have been happening -- maybe it's just too much too fast (we were a bit overloaded this summer). But I really don't think that's it at this point -- maybe a month ago that would be the case, but I have had enough time to adjust to learning their actual diagnosis and getting everyone used to Rachel's ABA schedule. MTW (More Than Words) has actually been helping me a lot to access Rachel (and even Simon to a smaller degree). I also have done research on whether the 6-MP taken during pregnancy or the Crohn's in general may have had something to do with this, and even though there are no good answers, I'm convinced I made the best decisions that I could and would probably repeat everything in the same way if I was in the same situation. It sounds horrible to say that if that actually does explain why we're in the situation we're in, but it really was the best decision for me at the time. Then, of course, Simon's sleep issues continue which has me even more sleep deprived.

Until I can figure out what question(s) is(are) loosely rattling in my brain, I won't be able to find the answers. In the meantime, I can't sleep, I'm eating poorly and just going all around nuts. There are some things in life where the answers are clear-cut. Autism isn't one of them. What works for one child may or may not work for others. Things would be so much easier if someone could just say "Do this and your child will grow and make progress" and have it do something positive. But it just isn't so.

So, writing this didn't seem to help me too much, but perhaps if someone else is going through this it will help them and make this rambling worth while.....

1 comment:

  1. I really enjoy reading your blog admire the openness with which you post. It takes a lot of courage to express your feelings publicly and admit that you don't have all the answers. My guess is the question in your brain is something along the lines of how did my life get here? how do I handle it all? Questions I think we all ask ourselves at challenging times.

    I hope you keep posting, one thing your blog has done is make me think harder about trying to give my blog more feeling. So you've helped at least one person even if it's not exactly in the way you intended!