Why am I so afraid?

Well, the IEP meeting is in 4 days -- yes, only 4 days from now. I've visited all available programs (one of them twice), did a lot of reading and researching, spoke to everyone working with them in IE services -- I SHOULD be prepared. So, why am I so terrified of this meeting?

I think there are 4 or 5 major things that are weighing on my mind right about now....

1. Will the IEP board agree with the recommendations in the reports in front of them or will they have other ideas in mind? The impression that I've been given is that this should be a resounding "YES" (agreeing with the recommendations, I mean). Because the meeting is taking place at MCITP rather than in the central office (as is typically the case), the committee will be relatively "stacked" with people who are familiar with these two children and their needs. And the recommendations in these reports reflect not only what MCITP feels is appropriate, but I am in full agreement with them. I'm prepared to discuss each of the twins to be sure they are enrolled in the preschool programs I feel is right for their current needs. So, this is of minimal concern right about now.

2. If they do agree, who's to say that the recommendations are right in the first place? And, if they're wrong, what will the consequences be in the time it takes to fix the mistakes? This is probably a fear that never fully goes away. We've already experienced once that not everything we try will be successful. Sometimes it's important to try something, give it a reasonable chance to work, and then be prepared to try something else if the first plan is unsuccessful. These are children we're talking about -- recommendations are based on what we've seen and the experiences of those who have been working in this field long enough to be comfortable to make these kinds of suggestions. If my kids don't match what is expected, the recommendations are going to be less than ideal. But, this falls under the category of "what if" and I shouldn't be going there right about now -- that needs to wait until later....

3. What questions am I going to have to answer and point out about my kids? And, in the end I'll get (maybe) a 5-10 minute break before I have to do it again. This really seems to me to fall under the idea of determining the twins' eligibility for services. Admitting my children's shortcomings is not something that thrills me. Having to do it twice with only a short break between the meetings is not going to be a "favorite" part of the day.

4. Will I lose my dream of keeping them together? I'm nearly certain this answer is "YES" because, due to Rachel and Simon's differing needs, the program that is good for Rachel will not be good for Simon and vice versa. I've been trying to prepare myself for this eventuality all month long, but I can't let go of that last little hope that the committee will be able to come up with something that will allow them to stay together. Foolish of me, I know.....

I've been going through these 4 things all day today trying to determine if there's anything more I can do to "prepare" myself for Tuesday morning. I'm not sure if I can. Much of what's bothering me here is ME. We'll do fine and I know that I have a lot of people really pulling for finding the best solutions for both Rachel and for Simon. At least 1 of those people (the parent educator that we've been working with from the very beginning) will be sitting in this meeting with me and Kevin. And, of course, Kevin and I want to find what will be best work for each of the twins. I just need to figure out how to survive the next few days. When the meeting is over, I'll have to deal with the aftermath (whatever that will be or whatever that means), but I'll deal with that when the meeting is done.