My Family's Experience with Autism: tuxedos

Monday, March 5, 2012

Thinking Ahead

My younger brother (almost called him my "baby" brother) is getting married in the fall. This is wonderful news. We have met his fiance a couple of times (my parents more than that) and we really like her. She's good for him and I think that he's good for her too. They really do make a "cute couple".

This morning, my brother called me. He wanted to ask me if we would be in the wedding party. All 5 of us. And, of course, I said yes. I am looking forward to it. But now I need to get to work.

Music Man and Big Brother are going to be co-ring bearers. Ballerina is going to be a flower girl along with the bride's cousin. And they are going to have to dress for the affair. And they are also going to have to behave, not only during the ceremony but at the reception as well.

This is going to be a dinner affair -- the wedding will be on a Sunday afternoon beginning at 3:00 in the Detroit area. We have over 7 months to prepare them for the experience. I'm not so worried about Big Brother -- a tux may not be the most comfortable outfit he's ever worn, but he'll manage. And at the reception he can take off the tie and the jacket and have some fun. Who knows....we may even bring a change of clothes for him during the reception. And behaving during the wedding -- well, the ceremony won't last too long and then he will have the freedom to relax a bit.

Ballerina, getting her dressed up is going to be the easy part. She is going to love putting on a fancy dress and (even more so) shoes. Her behavior, however, is going to be a challenge. We have to figure out how to teach her to stand still. Music Man is the one I'm expecting a huge challenge from. I can't see him looking forward to wearing a full tuxedo. It shouldn't be hard to find pants and a shirt to fit, but a button-down shirt and bow tie -- that's going to be a challenge. And the shoes? He's not going to like those for a minute. Dad may have to have the handful of gummy bears in his pocket ready to encourage good behavior the same way I used to use them to get Music Man to cross the street safely. For him, we will probably bring a change of clothes for the reception so as soon as the wedding is over, he can be relieved. But I need to figure out how to get him to wear a tuxedo shirt and bow tie before October.

I'm thrilled they are going to be in their uncle's wedding. They all adore their soon-to-be-aunt. And, as I said, Dad and I will also be there so we can remind them how they are supposed to behave. But I need to start thinking strategy very soon.

A Little Bit About Me and My Family

Every once in a while, something happens to a family that seems to change everything, whether that change is positive, negative, or in an uncertain direction. One such thing happened to us in March 2009, when we were informed our 26 month old twins (girl/boy) were BOTH on the autism spectrum. Their older brother (nearly 4 at the time) had always been ahead of the curve for most developmental milestones, so we had never really considered that some of the delays the twins were having had anything to do with autism. Well, we were wrong. Since then we have been learning about learning techniques and doing everything we can to make sure they get any and all help they need so that they can live normal lives. This blog chronicles that journey.

The Autism Pizza

I don't know where this came from originally, but I found it on a post on Circle of Moms. It's a good explanation of how things line up on the spectrum.

1. The Crust: Lack of Social Interaction (poor eye contact, not sharing interests with you, no pointing/gesturing)

2. The Sauce: Impaired Communication (possibly no speech, poor conversation skills, repetitive language, echolalia, no make-believe play)

3. The Cheese: Stereotypical Activities & Interests (extreme routine, strong interest in certain things, stimming [flapping, atypical play, etc.] -- like spinning wheels, lining toys up, stacking, etc.)

If you have all of those things: crust, sauce, cheese, you made an Autism pizza. It might have different toppings, but you can look at it and know it's still a pizza. If your pizza doesn't have sauce, that's Aspergers's. If your pizza is missing more than that but still kind of looks like a pizza, that's PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified)