Whose Will Is Strongest?

Over the weekend, we got "serious" about being done with dealing with toileting accidents.  Urine accidents have become rare but poop, well, it's rare that it's NOT an accident.  I mentioned in a post last week that Music Man had an accident at school which really seemed to get the ball rolling, so to speak. But it's not school's responsibility to get this done....it's mine.

We had to find something that would motivate our children to use the bathroom.  The answer to that question really is quite simple.....their phones or the computer.  However, taking this away from them makes things EXTREMELY hard on Dad and I.  But the time had come.  We needed to take that step. So, for the first poopy pants, no iPhone.  For the second, no iPod.  For the third, no computer.  And we were just PRAYING that there wouldn't be a fourth, because there was nothing left to take away.  And this would carry over from day to day (last thing was an accident on Saturday, no phone on Sunday).  However, once there was a success in the toilet, everything would be restored and we would start fresh.

During the week, for Music Man at least, things are relatively easy.  He "poops" shortly after coming home from school.  He's regular.  We can count on this almost every day.  So, when he comes home from school, we have snack, go into the bathroom and he does his thing.  Then he can have his phone.  But on the weekends, things are a bit more difficult.  He's NOT consistent about when he goes.  This (to us) is unsubstantiated proof that he is withholding during the school day because he doesn't want to deal with it at school.  He clearly has the control.

So, on Saturday morning, as soon as they go downstairs to play, Dad takes Music Man to the bathroom.  They try for a few minutes without success, so Dad resolves to take him again 30 minutes later.  By then, too late.  He pooped in his pants.  Oh, well.....bye bye phone!  Was Music Man happy about this.  ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!  Despite being warned numerous times, he was VERY angry about this change of events and how his weekend was going to progress.  But he eventually settled down.  Later that morning, once again, there was poop in his underwear.  Bye Bye iPod.  Now he's FURIOUS.  But he's determined to NOT let us win this fight.

For the rest of the weekend, we tried.  And for the rest of the weekend, so did he.  There was no successful potty trips.  And there was no return of the iPod or the iPhone.  And on Sunday night, he woke in the middle of the night and walked into the bathroom.  I was POSITIVE there would be some poop in the underwear, but there wasn't.  He just needed to pee and then went back to sleep (eventually).  And on Monday morning, before heading off to school, the stand off continued.  No poop in the potty, so no phone or pod.

But, come Monday afternoon, I don't think he could hold off anymore.  He pooped in the potty after school.  We did the same thing we did during the week last week.....come home, snack, potty, then play.  And that potty should include poop.  We have been successful on Monday and Tuesday of this week.  Today was very similar -- he came home from school and had his good strong poop after snack.  However, he did poop in his pants at school today.  Since we have established the policy of success means all privileges are returned, he didn't lose time with the phone.  However, if accidents continue at school, we will have to modify that part of our agreement.  I guess we are making progress.

I feel comfortable making this statement:  Music Man is poop-trained during the week.  He is unable (or unwilling) to anticipate the need to go, but he is regular enough that we can anticipate for him.  He is not yet fully trained as we have still not seen any successes during the weekend.  Hopefully, as he realizes that life is much happier when you are FULLY potty trained, he will take this leap soon.

On to the next saga......

Progress Comes When You Least Expect It

I'm way behind in the stories that have been happening in our lives here.  But I'm just starting in fresh again.  Those stories, well, maybe I'll find another way to incorporate them here.  But for now, we're just going to start with where we are right now.

On Tuesday, it finally happened.  I got a phone call from school to tell me that Music Man had a toiletting accident.  Since he was trained (well, urine trained) over President's Day weekend, we haven't had an accident at school.  Apparently, I had never brought in long pants (he had plenty of shorts) and they needed these ASAP.

I had mentioned during Music Man's IEP Meeting that he was not yet "Poop Trained".  In fact, he has never INTENTIONALLY released poop into the toilet.  He showed no interest.  And he never showed any indication that he was uncomfortable when he had an accident.  I'm not sure if anyone in the room agreed that that last statement could be true, but they did take me at my word.  Well, on Tuesday, when he had his accident, they realized that I was telling the truth.  He truly just didn't care.  He just sat there. He was able to completely ignore it.  He didn't fidget.  He didn't do anything to indicate that he was the one that the teachers were smelling, other than simply sitting there in his own poop.

Yesterday (Wednesday), his teacher sent him home with a social story.  She found me outside the school waiting for dismissal and told me what they were starting to do.  She was keeping her own copy of the social story at school and she informed me that, since he likes Oreo cookies, he wasn't allowed to have an oreo unless he successfully "Pooped on the Pot".  This last bit threw me a bit.....I would have to follow this as well, and Oreos are his regular after-school snack.  But, I agreed to go along with this regime and I figured we'll see what happens.

Before Music Man is allowed to go downstairs to play, he has to go to the bathroom (I don't know when he last goes at school and this way we are starting fresh with the timing).  He had to urinate and that was no surprise.  But after he was done, I asked if he needed to poop.  I pointed out that, if he did put his "Poop in the Pot", he'd get a Double-Stuff Oreo cookie.  He immediately decided it was worth trying.  So, he sat on the toilet and was clearly putting in the effort.  He asked for me to sing a song, which I gladly did.  We went back and forth between the song and reading the social story.  And, sure enough, he put his "Poop in the Pot"!  3 times actually.

YAY!!!!!!

After cleaning up, he got his Double-Stuff Oreo cookie and then went downstairs to play.

Today, when I pick him up from school, I intend to do the same thing.  We will have snack (that isn't an Oreo) and when he goes to the bathroom prior to going downstairs to play, we will take the social story with us and we will try again.  I will give him a smaller snack so, if he's successful, he can have his Double-Stuff Oreo without getting too much sugar, but I'll take the added sugar rush to have this whole thing behind us!

It's not like we've been complacent with the toilet training thing.  But, just like in February where the breaking point was reached, I think that's what we are seeing right now....everyone has simply had enough.  He needs to know that this is the way it's supposed to be and how it will be.  And, thanks to his teacher, we figured out a way to convince him that we really mean it!

My Experience At Potty Training Autistic Children

All right -- this may be a bit shocking, but I'm laying out what we've done and what we are about to do. Are you ready for it all?????

For Ballerina, we had it easy. On Mother's Day, 2009 we were giving all 3 kids "Naked Time". Not long -- just 15 minutes or so before getting into pajamas. We used to do this with Big Brother all the time and he always had so much fun. The twins were 3 years 4 months. Dad saw that Rachel needed to eliminate, so he picked her up and carried her to the toilet and sat her down and stayed with her for a minute, not really expecting anything to happen. BUT IT DID!!!!! She both pee'd and pooped in the toilet!!!!! We praised her for what felt like hours and I wrote a note to her teacher asking whether she felt we should pursue potty training at that point. Her response was that for that time, no. And it was getting close to the end of the school year that they wanted to have more time. Well, 2 days later, she sent me an email saying that she did appear ready and the following Monday, I sent her to school with underwear and lots of clothes and they started. They used a modified version of Foxx and Azrin's technique. By the end of the week, she was completely urine trained. A week or so later, she was wearing underwear to bed. She has never wet the bed at night.

Music Man on the other hand, well, he's still in diapers. Since the school year started, we have been making efforts to train him, but he seems to have no interest in it. But he has demonstrated control. He periodically will stay dry all day long at school and it's happening more and more frequently. We have a 3 day weekend coming up. We are going to try to make significant progress.

Yes, President's Day Weekend, 2012 will be about Potty Training in this house. From the time Music Man gets dressed in the morning until pajama time in the evening, he will be in underwear. We will set a timer to go off every 30 minutes, at which time either Dad or myself will take him to the bathroom. He will sit on the toilet (or stand in position if he prefers) and will stay there for a specified period of time. Then the underwear and pants will go back on and the timer will be restarted. If he successfully eliminates, we will bring him to the computer and restore pbskids.org, a website that he LOVES and has forced us to block because he stims on the videos. For 10 minutes, we will unblock the site and allow him to do WHATEVER HE WANTS!!!!!! If not, we'll try again in 30 minutes.

We know we're going to be inundated with laundry. We know that we likely won't see any success on Saturday. Hopefully we'll get some on Sunday. The stakes are also going up on Sunday -- he will have to help clean himself up -- he will have to go into the bathroom, take off his pants/underwear and put them in the sink for me. When they're wet, that will definitely NOT be a fun activity for him, especially if the pants are jeans. But once we can get 3 successful eliminations in the toilet, I think we will have made the leap. But we won't reprimand. We will just keep trying. We'll talk him through it with a calm voice. But once we go to underwear, we can't turn back.

I'm REALLY hoping that he'll be daytime trained by the end of the weekend. I truly believe at this point that we are dealing with stubbornness rather than a lack of readiness. We just have to make him see that this way is much better for everyone. I know, that's much easier said than done. But hopefully, we'll see some positive results.