The Battle in my Head

Monday (tomorrow) is the first day of school.  Big Brother is starting 3rd grade and Ballerina and Music Man are entering 1st grade.  All 3 are still in the same school and I think all of them are looking forward to the return of routine.  And for the last week or so, we have been doing the normal "preparing" for another school year.

Before the end of last year, I had a conference with Music Man's teacher.  I knew he was struggling in most ways (non-academic) and I asked the question if he needed to repeat kindergarten.  I was wondering if he had the social maturity to advance with his classmates.  His teacher explained that he was definitely ready to move on to first grade and that she truly believed he was going to be successful. That year, her class was a combined kindergarten/first grade class (8 kindergarteners, 3 1st graders).  I followed up that first question if she thought she would keep Music Man in her class should she have a combined class again.  And she told me that she didn't believe so.  The way it was determined who would stay with her and who would move to the other teacher for that year indicated that Music Man would be moving on.  And, at the time, she wasn't sure if she would have any first graders in her classroom (she's basically a kindergarten teacher after all).

But as the year was about to end, she brought Music Man to the car and mentioned that it appeared that they were getting more kindergarteners for the Learning Center than one teacher could teach adequately.  In this 5 minute conversation, she indirectly suggested that she may keep Music Man in her class after all for first grade, should she have a combined class again.  She felt, at that time, that he may benefit with another year in her classroom (but he would still be a first grader).

On Thursday, she called me.  She wanted to inform me before I saw it through other means that she would be Music Man's teacher again this year.  When I first heard this, I was THRILLED.  This is a teacher that he knows and likes.  He understands what she expects from him and he already knows what he can get away with and when she will put her foot down (for the record, he can't get away with much of ANYTHING).  Her reputation is untouchable, and the reputation is well earned.  We saw a great deal of growth in him all year long and, despite still having many issues that we need to address, we felt he had a very successful year last year.  And they did this combined class just last year, so I knew that the teachers and staff were comfortable handling the transitions that are necessary (as the first graders are more integrated with the general education students than the kindergarteners).

But the more I think about it, the more I am concerned.  I'm still 10000% thrilled that she's his teacher, but I wonder about the thought process that made her keep him in her classroom.  He is very bright and more than satisfies the criteria to be a first grader.  That isn't in question.  But he is very big for his age (not just tall) and he will definitely stick out in this classroom of younger students.  Does he care?  Absolutely NOT.  He doesn't notice anything that has any social context to it.  From a social standpoint, he's probably closer to a 3 year old than a 6 year old.  He is very much an isolationist (if you can call a child by that description) and really has no desire to have friends or peer interactions.  He is a bit of a challenge with his behaviors and his phobias and the kindergarteners in the classroom may be better choices for his peers than the first graders that were in his class last year.

Once again, I need to learn to put my own perception of things to the side and try to see things from my child's point of view.  He will still do his thing and will be quite successful I have no doubt.  And 2 years with this teacher is a prize that I cherish.  I think that, once I see how things work in practice, I'll be more and more comfortable with this arrangement.

School is Coming

This is something that parents look forward to, probably more than most things during the year. This is also something that children look towards, some with anticipation, some with dread as it is a clear milestone for them. Return of routine. Return of strict structure. Return of goals. And return of worry.

School is where we see the most progress in both Rachel and Simon. This is where they learn how to be with their peers and where they assess their ability to cope in various settings. They introduce as many settings as possible to teach them to cope. And they use these experiences to determine placements. This year, at their IEP meetings in the first couple of months of school, we will be targeting their kindergarten placement. It will be too early in the school year to make assignments, but I have goals for each of them and they are both attainable, if everything goes well. But we have to work. I'm gearing myself up for a VERY busy year. It's quite worrisome, but I know everything will work out fine.

Yesterday was open house. Yup, 3 of them. Simon's was at 11, Rachel's at 2 and Daniel's at 4. There were issues at all 3. When we went to Simon, I had both boys (Rachel was at her last day of gymnastics camp at The Little Gym (which she LOVED). We pulled into the parking lot and Simon threw a FIT. He did NOT want to go. He didn't want to get out of his seat, even though I had been telling him that we were going and he was going to see his teacher (Ms. Evelyn) who, although she has never been his teacher for school before (but has been for camp), he is familiar with her since he started the program. But no...."NO SCHOOL!" he kept shouting. Well, I suppose I should be happy that he recognized we were at "school" and that he was expressing his opinions so effectively. But, starting Monday, he'll be back there. I eventually got him inside, promised I wasn't leaving and he did have fun once he started recognizing his friends, teacher, and, most importantly, books. We were there for nearly an hour and he did eventually relax and have fun. The bus will come to pick him up on Monday and we may have some issues there, but I hope his anticipation will outrank his fears and trepidations.

After picking up Rachel from camp, we headed over to HER open house. We got there pretty much right on time, along with the rest of her school. And, unlike Simon's school, this is a full elementary school (Simon's school has a total of 12 students currently) which means that we were facing a lot of kids, parents, teachers, administrators......it would be overwhelming to anyone, much less a 4.5 year old girl with autism. Daniel was excited to be there....another place for him to explore. Simon knew it wasn't HIS school so he too was fine. Rachel was SCARED. She tried to hide behind me. When the principal got down on his knee to say "Hello" to her, she just clung to me even tighter. He recognized the need to back off and addressed her later in her own classroom rather than in the crowded entryway. She has been asking about "Ms. Suzanne" since summer school has ended, even though she will no longer be in her classroom. As we were going down the hallway, she suddenly seemed to understand that her teacher was changing and decided to give "Ms. Suzanne" the cold shoulder (how DARE you switch me to someone else's class). But again, as she recognized where she was and all her favorite things were still there, she seemed to settle into it all.

I had a lengthy conversation with her new teacher about what I was hoping to see about her kindergarten placement and how the Focalin should really help with her attention issues that we were seeing last year. We are still waiting to see whether she will be joining the morning or afternoon pre-K, but once we know that, we will be able to determine if we need to start administering the medication before she leaves for school or during lunchtime. They intend to wait a couple of weeks before making that determination, and I will allow that to happen. But again, since my goals for her are aggressive, I can't allow myself to become complacent.

Then we were waiting for Kevin to come home so I could take Daniel to HIS open house. After all, he had been to the other 2 (and had a blast since their classrooms are full of toys). By the time he came home and we walked down the hill, the Open House at his school was over. We were able to figure out who his teacher was, find the classroom and review the class roster (only 2 kids from his class last year are in his class this year, but fortunately, one of them is someone he considers a friend) and none of the other kids he talked about last year are in his class. But we never got to meet the teacher. So, on Monday, Daniel will get to meet his teacher for the first time. He has actual DESKS this year, which is a change. But what was his impression of the classroom? BORING!!!!! I tried to explain to him that he (in first grade [and a typical first grade classroom]) wasn't going to find a room full of toys like his brother and sister, who were in pre-K. But I think he's a little jealous.

But the boys both go back to school on Monday. Rachel starts on 9/6. Our extracurricular activities are also starting again these next couple of weeks. Our lives are about to go back to being a series of routines. Everything we do will be based on schedules, because that's just the way we are. And I think everyone here will be happy about it!!!!!