So Frustrated

I probably shouldn't be writing a post tonight -- I've just spent much of the day in such a foul mood. But then again, maybe that means I should be writing a post tonight given what this blog has become.

Today was Rachel's last day of school. Daniel has been home for nearly 2 weeks. Simon has school until Friday, but his days are short. But the insanity has definitely begun. Daniel has cabin fever because now we can't spend the day out doing special activities. Rachel will be home all day tomorrow and Friday. Simon will be home before noon during these 3 days. I'm not sure what that's going to do to our existing routine.

I'm not sure how I'm going to accommodate Domino's morning walk anymore -- until now I've been mostly walking her after the twins head to school but giving her a short walk between Simon and Daniel leaving, just around the block with Daniel playing Wii and me leaving the door open -- if he shouts, I'm always in ear-shot, but he's never needed me to be around during this time other than to ask if he can play another short game. Since Daniel's finished school, he's been coming with me for Domino's walks. But I can't do that with Rachel or Simon, much less both of them. I tried to put just Simon in the wagon and taking Domino for her walk a couple of times after Domino came home -- that was, I'm sure, a hilarious sight -- me dragging the wagon behind me trying to keep all 4 wheels on the ground while in front of me is a medium sized black dog dragging me. Normally, Domino takes a bit of a firm hand during our walks, but with the wagon that statement is even more so because I completely lose control of the pace of the walk. Additionally, by about 1/3 of the way through the walk I usually have a bag of dog waste that I'm carrying which makes pulling the wagon extremely difficult and uncomfortable for me to hold the leash. And this isn't even going into the scenarios of when we come across another dog on our journey. So, between now and when I get up in the morning, I need to come up with a strategy, that I will need to employ for the next 2.5 weeks until everyone is back in camp/school.

There's the next problem -- surviving the next few weeks. Daniel is about to go back into a routine next week (thank goodness). His camps begin on Monday and continue for 6 weeks (between the 3 programs), and I think he's looking forward to it at least as much as I am. I'll have both Rachel and Simon next week full time. Then the following week, Rachel will begin ESY for the mornings and I'll just have Simon. I'll be picking Rachel up from school (in a location I'm still not sure of -- I know what school she's in, but have NO CLUE where it's located) for that first week because I have to pick up Daniel 1/2 hour after her program ends -- I don't think I can be home in time to receive her bus if she comes home on the bus. Then the following week, Simon begins ESY and he and Rachel begin their camp(s). I'm still trying to work out the details about everyone's schedule and change around the order of Daniel's camps.

I think once we get to July 6, we're in good shape. But that's still 2.5 weeks away and after today, I'm already going a bit insane. Hopefully, I can chalk today up to a lack of sleep (last night was, we'll just say a REALLY bad night) and poor and unpredictable weather. If that's the case, then I'm worrying about nothing. But that's rarely the case.

Oh, well. I always felt I thrived on insanity. That's been doubly tested over the last 15 months or so. Now that I KNOW what "insanity" is, I'm not really sure that's true. But this is my life. There's no such thing as "calm" when you're a parent. There are always people and things that cause worry and concern -- but there are also always people and things that provide joy and pride. When things get hard, I need to search for those joyful things rather than spending my sparing energy focusing on the worries. I always worry about Simon (in particular) and Rachel (to a lesser degree) but they are still wonderful kids and I know they are growing. 2.5 weeks off from school will do them both good.

A Post About Daniel

Things are a bit crazy lately. Daniel's been taking so much of my time keeping promises that I haven't had time to keep, or have been afraid to do with his brother and sister around. The biggest one was bowling. Daniel LOVES bowling, thanks to the Wii. Then he went DuckPin Bowling for a birthday party at the beginning of the year, and ever since then he's been talking about going back there. But can you imagine taking Simon (especially) to a bowling alley, with all that noise? Or keeping Rachel from running down the lanes and trying to knock down all the pins with her hands rather than the ball? But since he's done with school and the twins aren't, this was the perfect week to do that. So, on Tuesday, I made it a MOMS Club activity and also invited some of the boys from his preschool. Overall, we had 10 kids (age 18mo to 5.5 yrs) and they all seemed to have a good time, especially when we ended the activity at a nearby McDonalds with a play area. So fun was had by all, and we were home in plenty of time for Simon's bus.

And on Wednesday, Daniel finally got a chance to take the Metro. He was born in the DC area, but never went on the Metro before. Again, this is something I just can't figure out how I'd do with Rachel and Simon. They're nearly 3.5 years old -- I hate to keep them in a stroller for that type of outing, but I really don't know if I can contain them any other way. We didn't do anything all that fancy -- Kevin's office is only a few blocks from a Metro station so we took the train to his office, he walked around a bit and Kevin was able to show him off (he hasn't been there in over 2 years) and go to lunch before we had to head back to the train and headed back home. One would think we were heading to Disney World -- he was just so excited. By the halfway point of the return trip, he was starting to get bored with the tunnels, but then we were back in the open and his fascination returned. It's amazing how, sometimes, the simplest thing, can make a 5-year old boy so happy.

So, this week, Daniel has gotten a lot of my positive energy. Next week, life will go back to normal and he will have to share my attention. He won't be happy about it, but his camps will begin soon after. And hopefully we'll be able to find some activities that will suit all 3 of them, specifically park playdates.

But it's nice to be able to focus on one child for a few days. I just need to be able to figure out how to make things like that work for the other 2.

My Blogiversary

Another blog I read had a "Blogiversary" to celebrate it's one-year anniversary, and I thought that idea was kind of neat, so I'm doing the same. Yes, it's been a year since I've started this blog. And it's been a crazy year. I don't even remember what I intended this blog to be when I started it -- I only know it's turned into something completely different. And my life is completely different then it was one year ago. And, as I say in the description of this blog, that's not necessarily a bad thing. There is so much that I've learned. There's so much that my FAMILY has learned. There's so much that has changed. It's just a LOT!!!!!

Writing this blog has been amazing for me. I never was able to find such a release in writing. I was never any good at it (still not, but that's not the point) and loathed having to write anything for school, to the point where I would never even consider writing anything on my own. But it's amazing how much I've been able to put into these posts and, looking back on them, really use these posts to organize my own thoughts.

So, for those of you who have been reading, thank you, and please continue to follow my journey. For those of you who have stumbled on this blog, welcome!

Double Trouble

I don't know if this is simply peer pressure or recognizing the positive feedback Rachel's been receiving or if there's more going on here....

The last day or two, Simon has been asking about going "potty". We aren't going to refuse the request (you never know, after all), but right now I'm trying to figure out if he is really ready or if this is simply him recognizing the positive reactions his sister is receiving from me and his Dad and he wants to share in that glory. In general, I would tend towards he's wanting to share in the positive feedback for his sister, and I don't feel he's really ready, but there's a few things that makes me wonder given this new development.

His "stimming" behaviors have recently turned very physically inward. It's making us a bit crazy trying to stop the behavior -- I mean, historically his stimming behavior is focused on a toy (or what SHOULD be a toy), but we can take it away when the play becomes destructive. When the object of this behavior is himself, how can you stop it? But is this personal obsession an indication that he's ready for something more?

The bottom line is, at the moment, I feel that if we start trying to potty-train Simon, we're setting him up for failure. I sent an email to his school asking him if they are noticing anything there. After all, if they are seeing it too, then perhaps we should consider a plan for training him as well. But I suspect this is something that he's only doing at home since more often than not, he asks to go "potty" when Rachel asks to be taken to the bathroom. But who knows....maybe we'll be a diaperless household before too long.....

The Moments....

.....they just keep coming. And if I don't put them down somewhere, I'm likely to forget them all.

There are 2 stories about Rachel and/or Simon for tonight. The first is a continuation of their bedtime ritual. The behaviors have been "morphing" a bit over the last few weeks. And now, after a lot of experimentation, I think we found our new series of nightly events. Some of it I love, other parts just leave me floored.

For a while, Simon refused to give Kevin a hug because he was determined to keep Rachel from making changes to what he was comfortable with. But Rachel had learned to get around him, so now he will jump into Kevin's arms to say goodnight. Then he'll climb into Rachel's bed for songs. And Rachel will have climbed into Simon's bed. All right, confused yet? Well, after I finish singing the songs, they both climb out of the other's beds, and climb into their OWN bed. Then they innocently go through the final goodnights with me and when I leave the room, Rachel starts her conversation with Simon, and Simon jumps out of bed and tries to get into some kind of trouble -- usually climbing into the forbidden chair and he has now discovered he can pull the cover off of the vent so it's now a new favorite troublesome activity. Rachel falls asleep first, and Simon will either fall asleep in her bed, or on the floor. Before going to bed myself, I move him back to his own bed, and he may or may not still be there when Kevin leaves for work in the morning.

The second thing I wanted to talk about is Rachel and her potty training. About 8 months ago, I remember sitting in parent group with MCITP discussing potty training children on the spectrum and descriptions of how difficult it can be. Let me just say, this is so NOT the case for Rachel. It's been 2 weeks. She spends all of her days in underwear, from the time she wakes up until about 30 minutes before she goes to sleep at night. And when she wakes up, for the last 2 nights, her Pull-Up has been DRY. She's averaging 1-2 accidents daily, and successfully going to potty about 10 times daily. And, even from the reports I'm getting from school, it's been EASY. A big part of this is that SHE is the one who initiated potty training, rather than someone else putting expectations on her. I am so unbelievably proud of that child, words just can't describe it.

Hopefully, I won't hold Simon to the same expectation. Right now, he's no where NEAR ready to begin potty training. But when the time comes, I hope he is as successful. But everyone is an individual and Simon will train in his own way and in his own time.

As the summer approaches....

.....we are getting ready for a new form of insanity. Daniel's schedule is already changing -- he will be graduating from pre-school tomorrow morning. It's hard to believe -- he's been attending this nursery school for nearly 3 years and after tomorrow he will have "graduated". He'll be going back there next week for a week-long 1/2 day camp, but the "school" part is over. It's been a good experience for him and he's now ready for the new experiences kindergarten will bring.

This makes me a bit nervous. Last year, when Daniel finished school is when I fell apart. I don't know if it was because I had the 3 kids home with little-to-no social activities planned, or just that it took that long for reality to set in that it just clobbered me over the head at that moment. But after Daniel started camps, things started to get easier. This year, we're more prepared on that score. He's starting camps later in June that will take care of him for 6 weeks (2 weeks each at 3 different programs) and range from 3 hour programs to a full-day 7 hour multi-sport camp. Plus, we're planning on making our (now) annual trip to visit family in CT/NY and that will last just over a week. My parents are getting in the act this year -- they want to keep Daniel for a few days and do activities with him (without me or Rachel and Simon), and I plan on obliging. Details are still sketchy across the board on that trip, but we know it will be happening in mid-August. Then kindergarten starts on August 30.

Rachel's and Simon's summer schedule is actually quite easy. Their current school programs end on June 16 and a couple of weeks later will be starting ESY (Extended School Year). School for each of them is only half-day (as opposed to the full-day it is right now), but I have also signed them up for camps (through Simon's school) from 1-3 daily. Rachel will be bused from her school to the camp and Simon will already be there, so I don't even have to worry about getting them there. I am only responsible for picking them up. I hope they enjoy it. It'll make for full days during the summer, but they're used to it. And I really think they'll enjoy the experiences and will get a lot of the social opportunities. And, most importantly, THEY WILL FINALLY BE TOGETHER!!!!!!!

So, unlike last year, I think I'm ready for the summer. At least I hope I am.....

A Haphazard Post

Well, there are a couple of things I want to say tonight, mainly because I want to capture the moments....

First, there's the update on the Potty Training of Rachel. School is only focusing on urine since there's very little they can do to train her releasing her BMs into the toilet -- they are more unpredictable and, honestly, harder to force into being without consequences. The thought for her is (as is the case with most kids), once they get used to being potty trained for urine and learn that an unclean pair of underwear (or Pull-Up if still needed) is extremely uncomfortable, they eventually get the idea. And I remember when training Daniel, BMs were MUCH slower to train then urine.

Her progress with this, just like everything else, is remarkable. The first day, she had several accidents, all in the morning -- by the afternoon, she started to get the idea of what she was supposed to do (as I mentioned in an earlier post). The second day, she also had several accidents, but her teacher said they were all in quick succession, almost as though she didn't understand the concept of emptying her bladder. But once that was past, NOTHING. Yesterday, she only had 2 accidents, both early. But today, she had NO URINE ACCIDENTS AT ALL while she was at school. Per instructions provided by the school, we are doing very little at home right now. That will likely be changing soon. We are taking her to the toilet when she requests it (as quickly as possible) and we will continue doing at least that for however long is necessary. But both Kevin and I are so pleased how quickly she's taking to this words just can't describe it.

On a completely different note, I wanted to comment a change to our bedtime pattern. Some time ago, I mentioned the antics of my twins as they prepare to go to sleep in the evenings. Over the last week or so, things have been changing. I don't think we've discovered the new pattern yet -- I think they're still testing things out, but it's still a lot of fun to watch this change happening.

Simon decided a while ago that he shouldn't have to wait until I leave the room to climb into Rachel's bed. So, as soon as I give him his kisses and the rest, he jumps right into her bed. Rachel didn't seem to like this particular change, so she was trying to come up with HER way of doing things. Lately, instead of climbing into her bed after saying "Goodnight" to Kevin, she waits until Simon climbs into her bed, and then she climbs into HIS so she and I can say out "Goodnight"s. Simon, at first, didn't like this one bit. He's still not happy about it, but he's starting to recognize this compromise. But then, tonight they threw another curve ball at me as I finished singing our songs. Instead of just saying good night, they EACH got out of the other's bed and climbed into their own. Then we recited our final "Goodnight" phrases as I left the room.

After about 20 minutes and saying "Goodnight" to Daniel, they were both playing in Rachel's bed. Lately, at this stage, Rachel is usually in her bed talking or playing and Simon is off playing himself somewhere, usually climbing into the glider chair in their bedroom (for the record, our first added Goodnight Phrase [and always the last instruction given] was "NO CHAIR"). As long as there has been no unplanned naps, they are still usually both asleep relatively quickly (within 15 minutes of me coming downstairs).

I'm still moving Simon from Rachel's bed back to his own before going to sleep myself. But he almost always manages to get back into her bed before Kevin leaves for work in the morning.