Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Why Do I Blog?

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I do some of the things that I do. Why did I start this blog? Why do I write the things I do?

When I first learned that the twins were on the spectrum, I went through the series of emotions that I would assume most parents would experience. I needed information. I spoke with our pediatrician and she recommended that I read Autism's False Prophets by Paul Offitt explaining that this book may provide me with some answers about the validity of (for lack of a better term) several urban legends behind the cause of autism (including [among others] vaccine theories). After reading this book, I realized that it wasn't enough. I needed more information. So, I went to the internet. And I was appalled by what I was finding. So-called "Autism News" sites were basically bullying people into believing disproven theories. I became frustrated. I became angry.

So, about 2-3 months after learning the twins were on the spectrum, I started this blog. I was going to talk about what I learned and the decisions that were made for my family, and why. And that's how I started. Then life happened.

I had a bad day. Perhaps it was a bad week. Or maybe the weight of everything that had been happening the previous few months had paid its toll. Whatever it was, I was feeling overwhelmed. So I wrote a post "from the heart". It was just venting a gripe or two. I'm not really sure what I said. But I do remember how I felt after I clicked the "Publish Post" button. For the first time in weeks, I felt like I could breathe again. The weight was lifted from my shoulders. Not for very long. Not long at all. But for a little while. Just long enough to catch my breath and get ready to face another day.

At that moment, this blog changed. It became a venting ground. It became a place to say whatever needed to be said. It became a place to organize my thoughts. I call it a "publicly available online journal". I started pouring all of my frustrations into it. And then, when I click the "Publish Post" button, I get the opportunity to start fresh. More often then not, the problems haven't gone away. But perhaps I've had the chance to organize my thoughts a bit more. Or maybe I've had the chance to say things that I really can't say anywhere else.

Will this blog change again? Perhaps. Perhaps not. But I do this for me. I share my experiences. I share my fears and my frustrations. I share myself.

THAT'S why I do this.

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