Saturday, August 21, 2010

Things, They Are A-Changin'

Changes have been happening here. I'm not really sure when this started -- I just know it's been happening for a while -- it's just become very obvious over the last week or so, and it's becoming a more and more common occurrence. FIGHTING.

Shortly after learning I was pregnant with twins, I frequently both read and posted to an online bulletin board/support system for Moms of Multiples and became very dependent on the experience of these other women. I'm still in touch with several of them, but using other means (Facebook, mainly). One of the things I remember them talking about is the relationships between their twin sets -- how they are both as close as it was possible to be and, at the same time, nearly mortal enemies. This general behavior is something I had been (in a weird way) looking forward to. Well, not the mortal enemies part, but that closeness does imply disagreements as well.

It's taken 3.5 years, but the fights have now begun. And they are VICIOUS. If I don't watch closely, a desire for a turn will escalate in (literally) 2 seconds to include hair pulling, hitting, kicking and biting. They both are guilty of initiating these behaviors. And it is completely unpredictable when they will appear. Rachel is very sneaky about it actually. She will sneak a hit and then become a "helpless victim" -- basically playing the "girl card" as Kevin puts it.

On the plus side, this is an indication that they recognize each other and are starting to assert their autonomy. And it's "NORMAL". They now are looking to play games with each other (usually turn-taking type activities), but they won't sit down and solve a puzzle together or share a book. In fact, that's the type of activity that leads to these altercations.

I just wish that we could have the positives without the consequences. This is unrealistic I know, and I'm not really complaining. The positives here greatly outweigh the consequences. I know they can learn how to behave and how to get past these phases. Yes, there will be some blows along the way. But when we decided to become parents to multiple children (much less of multiples), we knew that we'd be dealing with conflicts between siblings, and this was long before "autism" entered our daily life. It took 3.5 years, but it looks like we are now facing this new phase of our children's development.

1 comment:

  1. I know how strange it is to think of fighting between siblings as a positive development. I remember when my son (almost 13 now and autistic) started fighting with his little sister when they were around 7 and 4. His sister could not figure out why mom and dad were so happy her big brother was messing with her. It was just such a "normal" thing for him do. BTW - They don't fight much anymore.