Monday, June 15, 2009

Our Life and Making Decisions -- Dealing with Self Pity

.....well, it's time to get off my preaching posts and talk a bit as to what's going on in OUR lives.....mainly because I'm getting frustrated and need to get some stuff off my other words.....SELF PITY POST!

As I mentioned earlier, both Rachel and Simon are in this 3 day/week preschool run by our county's Infant and Toddler Program. They are both responding, but Rachel isn't doing quite as well as Simon, mainly because she's very "behavioral" and has to do things on HER terms. Therefore, it's the recommendation of her teachers that we also arrange for one-on-one ABA with her (applied behavior analysis). Their preschool does some ABA, but it's only a small portion of what they do whereas ABA in the home is far more intense. She was initially evaluated (well, observed) a couple of weeks ago by CSAAC.

Well, CSAAC called me this afternoon and we now have an evaluation scheduled for her to be seen by their psychologist next week. Of course, they will also be evaluating ME and I'll be showing up with her twin and her 4-year old brother in tow, so it will be an interesting experience. And, truth be told, I'm still not convinced this is the right thing for her. Her problem in the classroom is attending to the structure and doing what she is told. ABA is ALL ABOUT STRUCTURE!!!!!!! If she can't take it in small doses, how will she respond having no choices for upwards of 10 hours a week???????

I love my children. I think that's obvious. As the "mommy", I need to make decisions that will benefit all of them. So, I'm focusing on making the right choice for EACH Rachel and Simon. Then I have to make sure that whatever those decisions are won't interfere with Daniel's routine or life any more than necessary. Finally, I have to be able to live with it all. Right now, I'm not sure if ANY of these criteria are met.

Finally, we are STILL waiting to find out if Kennedy Krieger Institute will EVER want to evaluate the twins. I'm still not 100% sure I want to know, but having a cause would be helpful -- it would be nice to potentially eliminate any lingering thoughts of "What have I done to my babies?". I called them today and left a message asking for a time-table of when they will contact me to schedule an appointment.

OK -- here's my first self-pity post. I'm sure there will be others, but I can't believe I'm putting one in before my lectures are over.

1 comment:

  1. What day is it? Why don't you bring Daniel over to me. I think I can handle it. I'll lay on the couch in the basement and let the boys play.