My Family's Experience with Autism: When it gets to be too much

Monday, February 6, 2012

When it gets to be too much

I have a confession to make. I am the world's biggest push-over. I can't say "No" to a project. I can't turn down an opportunity. And I will bend over backwards to make it work.

There are so many things that I do. First and foremost, I'm a mom and a wife. I take care of our children and this house (well, the house is a bit of question -- I easily and repeatedly surrender to the power of chaos that rules this house [except laundry -- I WIN over the laundry!]). I blog here and for The Germantown Patch regularly. I write guest posts on other blogs periodically (including SPD Blogger Network, Multiples and More, Oxygen Mask Project, etc). I run an autism-based Facebook page. I volunteer in Big Brother's Classroom. I'm the Volunteer Coordinator for the PTA at our home school. Big Brother is a Tiger Scout and I'm the adult partner that attends meetings and (most) activities with him. I work with Music Man and Ballerina on their piano and dance -- helping them practice, making sure they are prepared for their classes, etc. I am now taking over completely for Music Man as we have decided to not continue his structured classes as he didn't seem to be gaining anything from his classes for right now other than him "sticking out" because of his behaviors and other quirks.. Plus, I do all the other activities that are required of an Autism Mom with two different kids on the spectrum -- there are IEP Meetings to plan for and attend, there are schools to visit, there is always more research to be done, etc.

A few months ago, another Autism Mom presented me with a project she was starting. We had a few discussions, and it sounded like a great idea and something that I wanted to get involved with. She was going to do most of the work (as it was her brain-child) and she had the ability to get it done. My commitment to the project was (relatively) minimal. She needed my availability, in the form of about 1 hour of my time once a week so we can have a couple of conversations. Each of those conversations would require a little bit of research, so I would probably be putting in upwards of 2 hours per week. Not bad....especially since I can do the research on my own time and combine it with my normal everyday research and have a set time to sit down that we mutually agreed up to do the actual conversations. Unfortunately, we have been unable to get together to get this done.

So, it has been decided that I'm no longer involved with this project. I'm a bit saddened by it, but not completely. You see, one of the reasons for this is I had reached a breaking point on Friday. With all those things I do, it's not surprising that eventually I hit one of those. And that breaking point was directly related to this project. I'm still not fully over it -- I don't get truly "ANGRY" often, and this time I was way passed angry and well into the "SEETHING" range. Was this breakdown avoidable? Possibly. It depends on whether I would have reached this point if I wasn't already stretched beyond my abilities, and whose interpretation of the facts is actually more reliable. But one project is now off my plate.

So, what will I find to replace it? Because I will find something. That's just the way I am. There is always something else that I can do. Perhaps this time it will be something that I will be paid to do. Or, maybe not. First, I have to find that project. Here new obligation that I have no time for......what and where are you????????

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A Little Bit About Me and My Family

Every once in a while, something happens to a family that seems to change everything, whether that change is positive, negative, or in an uncertain direction. One such thing happened to us in March 2009, when we were informed our 26 month old twins (girl/boy) were BOTH on the autism spectrum. Their older brother (nearly 4 at the time) had always been ahead of the curve for most developmental milestones, so we had never really considered that some of the delays the twins were having had anything to do with autism. Well, we were wrong. Since then we have been learning about learning techniques and doing everything we can to make sure they get any and all help they need so that they can live normal lives. This blog chronicles that journey.

The Autism Pizza

I don't know where this came from originally, but I found it on a post on Circle of Moms. It's a good explanation of how things line up on the spectrum.

1. The Crust: Lack of Social Interaction (poor eye contact, not sharing interests with you, no pointing/gesturing)

2. The Sauce: Impaired Communication (possibly no speech, poor conversation skills, repetitive language, echolalia, no make-believe play)

3. The Cheese: Stereotypical Activities & Interests (extreme routine, strong interest in certain things, stimming [flapping, atypical play, etc.] -- like spinning wheels, lining toys up, stacking, etc.)

If you have all of those things: crust, sauce, cheese, you made an Autism pizza. It might have different toppings, but you can look at it and know it's still a pizza. If your pizza doesn't have sauce, that's Aspergers's. If your pizza is missing more than that but still kind of looks like a pizza, that's PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified)